City Lights Make Me Happy

My Dear Old Dirty Town

Ghost bum sleeping

Ahh...my dirty city.  I actually uploaded several photos but they are not showing up.

I had a terrific evening.  Took my stroll through the city and caught some nice moments.  I look forward to sharing, once I figure out how.

I had two important conversations this evening, both of which were eating me up inside a bit.  One with one of my best friends that actually stood me up yesterday (the horror) and one with the fellow that dumped me a few weeks ago.

I am feeling so much better.

My friend is just a pussy sometimes.  He just got busy and for some reason did not think to call me.  I wanted to punch him in the neck.  I was walking right by his office and he happened to be outside.  I was like "I am so mad at you right now, but I had to come say hi".  I love him, but he is ridiculous sometimes.  He apologized, of course.  I am so laid back - I do not know why people are afraid to confront me.  They think I will freak out and I never do.

I wanted to talk to the fellow I had been dating.  He had dumped me via text, by the way, and I have been surprisingly miserable since.  I think it was feeling like I had meant so little to him bruised my ego.  We were not super serious, but were exclusive for about two months.  Not enough, it seems for the average bear to become so upset, I know.  I generally am not that girl.  I understand the casualness of dating.  Something about this was different.  I am still not sure exactly what it was.  All I know it that it felt different.  It felt bigger.  Maybe it was simply because I was ready.  Maybe my light is on. Or maybe I was just pissed ( read: hurt) that he felt a text was appropriate.  I wasn't some trick he had for a one night stand.

Anyway, I decided that instead of being all doom and gloom, I just needed to get his story.  I was taking some pictures near (meaning like 6 blocks) his place.  He happen to be on his way home from work, asked where I was and told me he was on his way. We sat by the river and we had a little chat.  It was bittersweet with zero drama; and at least I know now that my theories were correct. I was sick of hearing my friends get on the man hating train and saying that he's an asshole.  I knew he wasn't.  I knew I had not been that duped. 

Sometimes people are simply not meant to be together.  It is what it is.  

After three weeks, I can finally breathe though.  I hate speculation.  It causes anxiety and no reward.

Chicken Soup For the Stroll

I am not gonna lie people.  I am in a funk.  I have been out of work for quite some time now.  It's brutal right now, as many of you may know.  I am educated, diligent and diversely eperienced. The rejection is killing me softy.
 I've worked hard to establish my career path, but thanks to the greed of a few bad men, I got screwed up the butt with a 2 liter of Pepsi; along with many others.  I have several friends in the same position that do not work in my industry.  One just found a terrific job (after 18 months) , with tremendous pay and benefits.  I have to think that my turn is coming.

Truth also be told, I am unbelievably heartbroken.  I'll leave that story for another day.

It's difficult to keep your head up.  I am generally cantankerous - but it is for the sake of humor.  Maybe I watched too much All in the Family as a kid.  That and Welcome Back Kotter.  So crank and sarcasm reign supreme in my world.

I have always been a bastion of positivity and strength.  When things go wrong, people come to me.  When they need advice, tough love, compassion, empathy, comfort, or laughter; I am there.  It's easy for me to make things better for others; yet it is somehow difficult for me to do those things for myself. 

 When the person that fixes everything breaks, no one knows what to do.  My friends are at a loss.  I have had some kindness from strangers and, though that is a small comfort; it is not the same.

You can't hurt steel.  At least that's what I have always thought.  I was wrong.
And when a tower falls, people do not know how to start fixing it.

I promise I am not always so depressing.  This is a dark time for me.  I suppose all artists have these periods.  Perhaps I will create some masterpieces.

I am going to go downtown tonight to take pictures.  I found some great shots last night, but did not have my camera.  Hopefully I will see them again...well I won't because it will not be the same; but I hope to get something interesting.

I just had some homemade chicken soup.  It didn't really do much for me; but I did realize that I should not eat soup in public because I slurp like a beast.  Note to self: never order the soup when on a date.

Let's Pretend Airplanes Are Shooting Stars

I got totally sucked into the MTV Video Awards on Sunday night.  I spent the day at my friend's pool, we had dinner, and then lounged and watched the show.  Lazy bitches.
Anyway, I really know nothing about top 40 music.  I do not listen to the radio at all.  I may randomly catch something, like in a lobby or on a commercial.  But I have heard that song "Airplane" by B.O.B.  Not Bob, B.O.B. (note the blog title)

I was completely creased that Kanye was so revered throughout the evening after what he did last year.  I did not see that show, but did catch his bullshit shenanigans on you tube or something. In case you missed it, he interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for winning best female video to complain that Beyonce should have won.  I am not a fan of Taylor, but the poor kid got her moment completely stolen.  She's never gonna win that shit again.  Apparently Beyonce ended up winning video of the year for that bullshit Put a Ring On It or some shit, I don't even know, anyway.  Bitch is ridiculous and sucks.  Sorry, she does.  Actually all their songs sound the same.  Not as each other, but it's the same tripe.

I do not know what it is with the Chicago boys.  R. Kelly is peeing on minors and Kanye has an ego the size of Kansas.  Seems like Common is at least normal.  Thanks for keeping it real, brother, though I have no idea what you sound like.  At least he is not a scandalous dick.  I can love a guy for that. Solid.

I liked Kanye's music.  I have his first three CD's.  I didn't pay for them, of course; because I do not remember the last album I paid for; but I do have them and they are so good.  (I take that back, it was The New Year by The New Year in 2008.  I fucking love them.) Anyway, he is such a fucking jackass, I don't want to support him.  Why you gotta ruin everything Kanye?

Firstly, I do not think he should have been even invited to the VMAs and to headline the show on top of it.  Ridiculous.  His intro by Aziz Ansari  was not only not funny, it was douchebaggery at it's finest.  I know they are buds and shit, but really - Kanye is a dick and it needs to be acknowledged.

Kanye, you are a dick.

To top it off, the bullshit he sang was the most ridiculous song I have ever heard.  I think it had something to do with a woman reading his emails and shit but also:

And I always find, yeah, I always find somethin' wrong
You been puttin' up wit' my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast
Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can

Uuhhhh, is you toasting yourself there little buddy?  For real?  Are you trying to rap about other people being assholes?  And are you calling people that do not call off work jerk offs.  Don't make be get racial up in here, because don't think for a minute that this white bitch did not catch that.  Arty don't play.

And to top it, his flow was off.  Off! He bit it.

Kanye, what the FUCK are you doing?  I mean, for real.  You are so much better than this shit.  Come on. "Stronger" is fucking beautiful.  You even got me to be cool with praising the lord in song with "Jesus Walks".  Have you guys heard that?  It's got a killer beat.  Yet you pull a dick move and then perform this bullshit song.
I bite my thumb at you, sir.

How is this ass munch getting so much attention when we all know the best rap artist is Mos Def?  It's not up for debate.  Mos Def.

I actually did see a shooting star tonight, by the way.
And I really could use a wish right now.
Or maybe some milk & cookies.

Let The Right One In

Sometimes when my friends think I am being too hard on someone or not giving them a chance, I shrug and say "Let the right one in."  I say it often actually, in various situations.  It is universal. 

It is not easy to be allowed into my world.  That may seem odd for me to say in what is basically an online diary; but to truly get there takes a long time.

I remember Mark, after about 3 years of us hanging out regularly looked at me in the middle of a conversation and said "Finally.  I'm in!  God damn, that took a long time."  We've been friends for over 15 years.  Let the right one in.

It's not necessarily a reflection of the person.  I am not saying "you should feel special that I let you in". I am simply precious is all.  I can't have some clumsy fucker trying to handle my shit. China dolls are hard & cold, yet fragile. 

Mark and I were discussing a fellow I was talking to on here.  We could not figure out what his deal was. I was like "am I being too easy?"  and we both immediately burst out laughing.  I meant it in a "not being enough of a challenge" way. He was like "that is the last word I would use to describe you".  Not that I am a difficult person, I am congenial - I just do not make it easy for someone to be let in.

But you know what?  Sometimes I am too challenging.  Yet when I am not, I am reminded: let the right one in.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about the movie.  Which of course, when I discovered it, was geeked about the title.

The best movie I saw last year was the Swedish film "Let the Right One In".  Did you pervs see this shit?  It was the most amazing vampire movie I have ever seen.  I shouldn't niche it by saying "vampire movie".  It's a thriller and it's amazing.  The story is brilliant.  It's creepy, seductive and beautiful.  Love it.

Hollywood is of course farting all over it with a remake called "Let Me In".  I admit I did not initially hate the trailer I saw online a long time ago; but am calling shenanigans on the new TV trailers.  Of course, there's some car chase/crash or some shit and she says something in this demon voice, because it's Hollywood and budgets and shock value reign supreme.

They are also changing the meaning of what's going on. Let Me In sounds all like someone's trying to get you. Which is the case, I suppose, but not how you'd expect.  It's more like she's letting the right one in.  I don't want to give too much of it away.  It's so fucking good.  Please watch the original.  It's amazing.  I would not lie to you.

And remember: let the right one in.
XOXO

And Another Thing, I Don't Like Your Moms

Have you ever seen the SNL skit with Maya Rudolph?  I think it's her. Was it ScarJo? It's the skit that that Keenan Thompson has called Deep House Dish and guest singers come on.  I cannot find it on the internets and it is upsetting me.  If you find it, I will give you...something...I don't know what.  Undying love.  I will fucking worship and adore you.

One day, I was downtown on the phone with my friend Mark and recited the lyrics in a conversational tone (I interject other words, but these are the lyrics):

I am tired of both your Great Danes
And another thing....I don't like your mom
And another thing....I do not like your car.
You've got a bad haircut
And your house smells weird.
And I am tired of you calling off our wedding.

Oh, the looks I got with that last line.  It was glorious!  This gorgeous man stopped and looked at me as though to console me.  And he was all in a suit, probably going to a meeting, Point is - not a tourist...someone that has to be somewhere. I just put my hand up and shook my head a little like "please, don't, I'll be okay"

Son of a bitch - he was probably the ONE.  They guy in the suit stops and I brush him away. I am an idiot

So I get a call from Moms today:

I was at your Godmother's.  She has a cousin in Chicago.  Irene.  (me...waiting to hear it....waiting...) She owns a grocery store.  It's like a big store.  Produce and butcher shop. (wait for it...) It's in Chicago.  But I don't know the name.  She could not remember.  But her name is Irene and her son's name is John XXXXXikis (there it is). ..."

 She continues and I go into my mom coma.

Me: laughing "ok mom, great"
Moms: "well can you find him?"
Me: "what the hell? how am I supposed to find him.  And say what?  My godmother told me to call you?!"

Moms suggests just finding out about him.  She learned a new word, "internet".  I am so sure, stalker! I explain that it's not nice to spy and also impossible to do if you do not know the name of the store.  And that I am NOT doing it anyway.

Note that I do not really talk to my mom about anything.  She really has no idea what goes on in my world.  But manages to pour salt in my wounds with ferver.

Me: "I need a job, not a boyfriend"
Moms:  "What boyfriend? What job?!  You need  husband.  What, you gonna be alone forever?  You need husband, no job.  You  go work with him....."
My ears start to bleed. "I really don't want to talk about this right now."
Moms: "okay. okay...we're just talking."
 "So, my dress came in for Ry's wedding.  It's going to be big, because I had to get a bigger size for my boobs and I'll need to put straps on...."  She let's me babble for a few minutes.
Moms: " No worry, honey.  I fix it pretty for you.  You bring it -I fix it. Don't worry."

Man, she kills me.

Nia Vardalos Ain't Got Nothing On Me

I was telling my girlfriends the conversation I had with my mom yesterday and one literally peed her pants.  "Why aren't you doing stand-up?"  It never occurred to me.  I never thought I could be funny enough.  Truth is, I do have good delivery.  If you think my posts are funny - awesome.  But I am way more funny in person.  And I do not try to be.  Sometimes I am just talking and people are like "you're hilarious".  It always takes me a minute.  Oh yeah, some people are not funny.  I suppose I am amusing.  All in the delivery.  Which is why I am so grateful that I have people that enjoy my blog.  Thanks for reading.  Really.

I started to write a response to my lovely friend lovelyleo2's comment in my last post; but decided that some things should just be shared. Let's talk moms for a minute.

You know the mom in Everybody Loves Raymond?  Combine her with Edith Bunker and add a little Cinderella's Step Mother (though she birthed me).

Welcome to my world.  Luckily, I inherited my daddy's sense of humor and logic.  Whew.

I do not have a bad relationship with her, but there is a huge cultural gap, I do not really discuss anything in my life with her.  She still does not understand that I do not work at the front desk at a hotel (because of course I should be able to meet a man there). "No, mom...I have an office...I do not work at the front desk. I do not check people in."  I have told her this no less than 100 times. Clueless.

She has been on me to get married since I was a fetus.  I can't even deal with it.  Remember that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, when she asks her mom why she has to go to Greek School?  Her mom says - so that you can write to your mother in law.  Yeah. that was said to me when I was 4. Seriously. Four.

My response was "Well you married an Italian. Why do I have to marry a Greek?"  Again...4.

I thought my dad was Italian because he ate so much pasta.
Precious.

I went to prom my sophomore year, with a very obviously gay guy mind you.  A girlfriend and I went with a couple of senior mo's.  It was totally fun by the way.  Anyway, my clueless mom, who had no idea of any sexual experimenting & make out sessions I had had with the Greek boys (because of course I could go out with them...what could happen?) is taking pictures of me...in a pink dress (gross)...before everyone else met up at our house. 

She gets close to me, all serious and says kinda under her breath "don't let him touch you." while making a "you know where" face.  That was the extend of her sex talk to me.

Then there was the Epilady incident.  I was probably 25 at the time.  Not living at home. Did any of you girls have one? It was this white oblong thingy and had a coil spring on one side.  It was for hair removal.  It hurt like a mother fucker.  I used it once and in the bathroom it sat.  Here it is:

We have a quad level, so you can see almost everything going on in the house, especially from the main level, where the kitchen, sorry, that the main kitchen is, because you know my dad had to build another one in the basement.  None of the stairways are enclosed. The stairs going to the upper bedrooms is right by the kitchen table.
Where I am sitting....with my two big brothers, father, sisters in law, sister and brother in law.  Maybe even a niece or nephew in the mix.  I am sitting next to my sister.
 
Mom is standing on the stairs with the Epilady in her hand. Says to my sister (let's call her Kathy)
Mom: "Kathy, should I sell this in the garage sale?"
Kathy: "What is it? i don't even know what that is."
Mom: "Uh...should I sell it?"
Me: "No one will want to buy that.  It's mine anyway.  Just throw it out"
Mom - horrified: "No it's not yours!  It's Kathy's! It can't be yours"
Me: "No, mom it's mine...what do you think that is?
She sheepishly starts to lower it towards her lady bits.

Kathy and I just burst!  And then I was like "That's for your legs!! Why on earth would you think you could sell that if it was that?!"

I look at my sister. "Crazy bitch tried to call you out on a vibrator.  In front of everybody.  And  tried to sell it.  And freaked out at the thought of me having one....because I am not married.  She's fucking insane."

Greetings Humans

My name is Artemis.  I am going to attempt to win you over with my wit and personality.  I have a pretty interesting blog on a dating site that happens to have blogs.  I got sucked in and addicted to blogging.

So, I am moving my shit over here.  I will re-post my chaotic dating escapades, my very opinionated rants, music suggestions, and random stories in addition to adding new posts.  I hope you'll enjoy.  I swear alot, FYI.  Deal.

Be kind to me people.  I am new to this blogspot world of yours.