Does This Bed Come Equipt With Earplugs?

I do not know what my deal is with not writing.  I think it's because I feel like I do not have enough exciting things going on.  Except I did not write much about that anyway.  I've had a bunch of running thoughts and didn't get around to writing them.  I have to do it in the moment or I just kinds lose the hutzpah, you know. Also, I tend to just write about what's annoying me at the moment.

And at the moment it's my honey's snoring.  Lord.  Have.  Mercy.

Now, I have been known to snore a bit.  Mostly because the boobs smash my wind pipe.  Sorry, but it's true.  Regardless, I know I snore sometimes.

Why is it that the person that snores like a beastmaster falls asleep the minute their head hits the pillow?  Seriously.  It's a pattern.

Growing up, I found my dad's snoring comforting.  He worked rotating shifts and he worked hard, bless him.  Hearing him snore meant he was home.   And as he grew older, hearing him snore also meant I knew he was still alive.  Though I once almost gave him a heart attack sneaking up on him one drunken late night.

What?  I crawled in during the wee hours and he was lying on the floor (which he does often doze off in front of the telly) but was not snoring.  So my drunk ass goes downstairs and gets in his face to hear if he's breathing. Of course he wakes up in horror to find his big curly haired, goth makeup wearing, inebriated daughter inches from his mug.

I'm surprised he didn't take a swing at me.  I probably would have.

p.s. I was of age.  I did live with the parents for a year or so after college.  Good folks.

That snoring went on in another room though.  As a girl, I found comfort in it.  Hell, even now I do when I visit them.  But right now, oooo lawd.

Actually he's (my man) not all that bad. I've been finding myself not getting to sleep until like 4am or something and then sleeping in a bit when he goes to work.  I am considering getting a graveyard shift job, though that would be we wouldn't be able to go to bed together and I don't even mean that in a pervy way.  It's just nice to actually sleep together.  I know he feels bad about it, poor lamb.  It's not all his fault anyway.

I have trouble falling asleep as it is.  I always have.  I am a nocturnal person.  I kick into gear in the evening.  I have always been this way, even as a child.  My parents were constantly yelling at me to go to sleep.  I'd be all up in my room reading, watching TV (on this precious 12 inch black & white), or listening to music - which always gave me away because I'd sing.  One of them would come in and be like "SLEEP!"  I just simply could not.

Sometimes I get up and do stuff  - like tonight.  Other times I just try to relax in bed and I play games on my iPhone, which my sweetheart of a man got me.  I should try to make better use of my time.  I will hopefully be going back to school soon and will not have the luxury of late night shenanigans.

And really, if snoring is the biggest conflict to deal with, I don't have too much to complain about.

Happy Holidays!

Check this guy out.  Come on...just come on.  And the poor cat.  Look at those poor, soulless eyes that say "I cannot tolerate another minute of this guy's weird."

I wonder if he snores.  Though I kinda doubt it would keep anyone else up.

Monster

 

First off, let's discuss.  This is proof that makeup goes a long way and that we are all pretty much some mascara away from being a monster.  Charlize Theron is one of the most beautiful women in the universe and she looks like ass.   Plus the bitch she is playing here was a serial killer.  Ugliness makes people do some ugly things.

That said, I am desperate need of a makeover.  One, my ass...grown.  And I do not mean I am a grown ass woman.  I mean I have super badunk-a-dunk.  It's not cool.  And it's especially not cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.  Yes, that was for you, Smarty.  

Seriously though, I am out of control.  I have not been working out and that needs to change promptly.  I have approximately 11 months.  Does my dress fit? Yes.  Am I happy with how I look in it?  Not especially.  Though I am not thrilled with how I look in anything lately.  That's not the only reason I need to get into shape though.  I am feeling uber gross.  And that, also, is not cool.

My phro is also insane. I, at least, remembered that I have thinning shears and put those to work.  I could not stand it anymore.  I need to make an appointment this week to have some layers put in.  That is to say, put in correctly.  I have been know to take shears to my head in the middle of the night and wake up with a bob or some shit.  I am a crack length away from doing it, so I need to go see a pro.  I am debating on color though.  Did you all know that I was actually a redhead?  For many years.  So much so that people though it was my natural color.  Though, for the record, I do actually have some red hair...along with blonde, black, and brown.  I am a fucking deer mouse, though less pestilent.

So, I have a debate with the parents again about inviting kids to the wedding.  I am apparently a horrible monster that hates children and needs to be destroyed.

Sorry, I just cannot handle kids running around when I am in heels.  It completely stresses me out.  Plus, I figured out that it would cost and additional $2,500 to have all those kids there.  You heard me.  Twenty-five-freaking-hundred-dollars.  Thirty-five extra meals, additional seating/chair covers, additional centerpieces.  It all adds up.  Should I have to sacrifice how my wedding looks, to save on budget, so that people can bring their children that do not give a shit about me?

And what happened to it being OUR wedding, anyway?

My brother went Godfather on me the other day.

He calls me on Friday night.

"Do you have a photographer?"

"Yeah, but I have not signed a contract yet"

"How much is he charging you?"

"$2,000"

"Do not sign a thing, I have someone for you.  He'll do it"

"But..."

"Don't worry about it.  He's a good guy.  Takes great pictures."

"But how much..."

"Don't worry about it.  We'll figure it out."

"But can we get a book and the digital photos and..."

"You're gonna get whatever you want.  I said - don't worry about it."

I called him today and was like "Can I talk to this guy?"  Turns out he works with my brother, which I am guessing means for my brother.  Like he's his boss.  He apparently wants to get into the industry and my bro is vouching for him.  Guess he won't mess things up because it will be super awkward for him.

For the record, my brother is not a mafia type, which is why it's impossible to say no to him when he pulls crap like that.  He has more integrity than anyone I know.  Plus, he knows he will not hear the end of it if this dude messes it up.  If I can save a grand...I mean, that gives us more to spend on food or whatever.  And don't you dare say "or kids" because I will throttle you.

Did I mention that my sister in law is making the cake?  How cool is that?  We did go to a cake tasting and like the combination that we chose.  I could tell she wanted to do it, but was nervous and I was like - Just make it. I am not looking for a free cake, we'll pay you. I just want you to make it.  I beat her into submission and am so glad.  I want something totally plain anyway.  I mean plain in design.  I am of course buying cake jewelry.  It's a real thing.  Trust me.  I need bling.

I was in Chicago a couple of weeks ago for my BFF's wedding - which was awesome.  I went shopping and bought all the gifts for my bridesmaids.  Part of which I am incorporating into the ensemble.

I decided to have my sister, my fiance's sister, and two of my best girls be attendees.  Then I wanted my nieces.  How to get away with having that many?  Make those little heifers flower girls.  I do not give a crap.  they are wearing the same dresses and just going down the isle in pairs and dropping petals.  Did I mention that they will be ages 15 to 23.  Whatever.  They are my nieces and I think it is precious.  Again, I did not want some kid that does not even know us.  Plus, I hate when everyone is all cooing at the spectacle. 

I was at another wedding last month and the flower girls and ring bearer were just running around, causing a scene.  It was so distracting.  People were all "awww...how cute."  I was like "someone better beat those brats down."

Maybe I am a monster.

I was all nudging my man "See? See?  This is why I am having the girls (the nieces) do it.  I would be throwing a  fit."  And honestly, I would.

The weird thing is - I am exceptional with children.  I am like the kid whisperer or some shit.  But that takes concentration and I am not having it on that day.  At least not for that.

Here's some pretty for you:

She is ridiculous.

Mutton's Going On

I am not a stereotypical Greek girl.  I am in some ways; but in many, especially food related, I am not.

Examples of things I hate, dislike or will not partake in:
Raw onions (as in I tell wait staff "don't even put it on my plate" because the taste permeates into other things and ruins my burgers and shit.
 Wine (especially reds, though I have grown to enjoy prosecco)
Heavy garlic
Doing it up the bum.  Kidding.  No - not kidding!  Just kidding that Greek girls like that.  For some reason it's a rumor.  I do not believe it.
Lamb


You heard me.  I do not like lamb - at all.   So when moms is prepping for holidays, she makes sure that there is something else for me and my sister to eat.  I think it's my moms worst fear that I will starve, even though all she does is feed me and then complain that I am a fatty.  Kill me.  Anyway, she'll make pork or something, though if we are barbecuing, there are always burgers, steaks, etc.

My dad is like a mad scientist and likes to make contraptions.  He built this self contained spit that - get this - runs on electricity or it's own generator.  It's a giant metal box with a butcher's block on top.  Just so you know what I am dealing with.

 I went over there last Memorial Day.  All the sibs were coming over.  I hadn;t seen them in a bit so I was stoked.  My dad was grilling some yummies and also had a lamb going in the back yard.

They neighbors were grilling too.  You know, standard fare: hot dogs and burgers and maybe they were getting adventurous with some brats.  I'm not sure.

Meanwhile, the lamb is apparently done.  My dad and brothers plop it on the block, presumably to cut it, right?  My sister in law and two nieces are also out there.

I look out the window and am mortified and hysterically entertained at once.

They are attacking the thing like a pride of lions on a zebra.  I mean literally.  They are just picking at it.  I go out there and my niece is like "just try some".  So I take a piece - read, a piece that is approximately a square centimeter, because that is how I taste things.  She laughs at me.  I take a little bite and am like - nope...still don't like it.

Their neighbors and their guests must have been amazed though.  Can you imagine looking over and seeing people just attacking roast beast?  How freaking ridiculous.

We will have lamb at Easter, but that's out in the woods at my sister's house.  No witnesses.

I'm a Karate Man

Despite having a total bullshit cold, I had a pretty cool couple of weeks.  My sweetheart came to visit for like 10 days, which is a big deal, apparently.  My friends were all "how did it go?" when he left.  It did not even occur to me that we would have deal breaking time; but I suppose spending that much time, 24/7 is a huge indicator of what's to come.  Other than both of us getting sick, it was awesome.

I did realize though that I am super crabby when I am sick.  I usually hide, like a wild animal.  Because "I'm a karate man.  Karate man bruise on the inside; don't show no weaknesses"  (I know Smarty and Mac will get the movie)  That does seem to be my philosophy though.  My dad is a bit stoic, I must get it from him.  Though I have the uber sensitivity of mom.  Awesome - I got all the leftover genes.  Anyway,  I completely hermit out when I am sick.  I usually have no one around me and I whine and crap while I take care of myself.  Not whine that I am alone; whine about how much snot is coming out of my head.  Where does it come from, my god?  Do I have a tap into some spring or something?!  So it was interesting having him there with me.  I found myself mood swinging, like a damn alcoholic.    Come here to me...go away...no wait come here...ugh leave.  That was going on in my head anyway.  As soon as I felt better, which was of course the day he was leaving; I was like I cannot believe that I thought for a second I did not want him around.  And it totally sucked to have him leave. Though I am seeing him again in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I think that having a cold is a bit of a hurdle in a relationship.  We got to be around each other when we were ill and survived.  Luckily I did not get too ugly while he was here.  I get real ugly when I have a cold, so he has that to look forward to.  Child, I am not pretty when I get really bad sinus issues.  Man, that is some heinous bullshit that happens to my face.

I have been slacking on the home front though and actually need to clean my place up.  One of my closest friends from college is coming to visit this weekend.  I am super stoked.  We met on the first day of school.  I sat next to her in Communications and did not have my book yet.  She offered to share and we hung out like every day after.  Love her.  She lives in San Diego.  Last time I saw her was in 2004 I think.  Booo.  We often do not talk for months, maybe even a year; but as soon as we speak to each other, it just feels like home.  Soul sisters, I guess.  Cannot wait to see her.

Fatally Cool had a show last night.  We decided to improve some stuff in there, just to change things up.  We usually have a very specific set list because it's a performance art piece and has a story line.  A bit like a musical, really.  But after we performed at bigger nightclub, we decided that we need to be more rock band.  It was a fun show.  I was struggling a bit, but held my own I think.  My band mate Manny & I decided to throw in "Rid of Me" by PJ Harvey.  A song I have only recently discovered, despite it being from the 90's.  We had never ever done it together - at all.  We kind of sang it in the corner together quietly right before the show, but that was it.  It was well received though - so yay for us.  In honor of St. Patty's Day, we all also did a completely improvised mash up The Cranberries "Zombie" and U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday".  I think I am brilliant for thinking that up (which I had before, it was something we were going to work on, but did not have time to do), to be honest.  I mean, they are two major war/conflict songs.  Not really happy drunk Irish crap at all.  It was fun though.  I fucked up some parts, but whatever.  i was a snare tone deaf last night.

Hope all of you beautiful people are well and have a glorious weekend!

Meet the Big Fat Greek Parents

Huge step for me in my relationship.

He met the family.
And when I say family, I mean everyone (except one brother and niece that were working).  Lord have mercy, they did not scare him away.

Originally, I asked my mom if he and I could just come over.  She wanted to invited everyone.   I protested.  We we on the phone and  my sister and her two kids, and my daddy were at her house in the background.  we had to repeat ourselves several times.  I was all "there are five of you there and we cannot hear each other - that's why I do not want everybody." She got it after that.

Yeah, we are loud.

The night before we are going to visit them, I check in with her.  She's like "I made dolma (which I requested), a lasagna, and pita."  So enough food for like 20 people basically.  I was like "For the four of us?!  you might as well have everyone over.  We'll come early so you can meet him before the chaos".  I had already talked to my brother and sister in law (not his wife, the other one) and we were going to meet them later anyway.

We get there and seriously...enough food for like 40 people.  She made all sorts of stuff.  It was insane.  Not to mention that we got to take like 2.5 bags of leftovers home.  And I mean grocery bags.  Seriously.

And then she complains that I am chubby.  Come on!

Ultimately, it was important to me that my daddy liked him.  Dad has incredible sense, as do I; but you know - sometimes one can be blinded by emotions, so I really wanted to see if he sniffed anything.  Moms is simply paranoid in general.  Probably because all she sees about internet dating is "To Catch a Predator" or some shit that ends in murder on Nightline.

She's all "What if he's just pretending to be good?  What if he's not?  Some people do that."  My dad just made that kind of mafia frowny thinking face as was like "I don't think so.  I don't believe he's like that."

Done and done.  That was all I needed from him.  Not that there was question, but I could tell that he liked the guy.  He trusts my judgment anyway, but it was good to hear him back me up.  She was being crazy and he was responding "so what if he is (blank) as long as he's a good man, that's all that matters."  to whatever she said.

All in all, it went well.  He was indeed bombarded by 18 loud ass family members and handled it like a champ.