Close Encounters

I feel like an alien.  Seriously.

I will say that people are pretty damn nice out here.  Last month a random girl took me to the airport.  You heard me.  My shuttle was over an hour late. She heard me freaking out - and by freaking out, I mean raise my voice, because this town could not handle me at a 10 - and offered me a ride.  What?  And another girl helped me carry my groceries up last week.

Apparently, it pays to live above a Starbucks.

But I feel very isolated.  I am having trouble adjusting. I am like this big, fat, loud, harsh beast that does not belong.  This area will never feel like home to me.  I am just here.  I would give almost anything to be back in Chicago.   This place is kinda sucking my will to live.

So, we go to San Fran for a couple days and I decide to get my hair did whilst the fiance is at work.  I go to this salon by the hotel.  The most adorable little hipster gay colored my hair and convinced me to do something fun with it.  Now I am a little worried that it may look bad when I wash it out - but now it's straight and looks awesome.

He was from Washington DC.  He was feeling me on how different it was out here and how people were way more sensitive and, though pleasant, more sketchy.  As in not saying what they mean.  It was fun to bitch with someone.  He told me that the only people he really has become friends with happen to be from the east coast.  It doesn't surprise me.  I have more on San Fran, but I need to vent about some other business today.

I've noticed that I've said things and people are uncomfortable, when to me it's clear I am just being brash or silly like "why you gotta be like that?" and I get and "I'm sorry".  For real?  You think I'm upset when I say that?  I need for everyone out here to watch Seinfeld.  See Elaine?  Now love her...get her...okay  see - that's pretty much me.

Sorry gang, I am in a foul mood today.  My ulcer blew up last night and I still feel a bit nauseous (nauseated? I never get that right).  Then I was awoken by unworldly sounds coming out of my cat that freaked me the hell out.

The cats had a major set back a couple of weeks ago.  The girl started to get a little aggressive with  Roche' (my little guy), you know trying to show dominance for some reason.  Roche' was all "Whatever dude, leave me alone, I am just trying to chill out.  I'm just wanting to be left alone"  But she's kinda a brat and can't leave shit be.  She pretty much is my bane.  I cannot have anything nice because she will wreck it.  Even just writing about her made my computer do a bunch of weird crap.  It's now highlighting misspelled words and not correcting them and leaving them highlighted when I do it manually.  That just happened.  See?  BANE.

Anyway, she's causing trouble with him and the big cat gets involved and there is a freaky cat skirmish that almost gives me a mini stroke.  It's complete chaos.  After which, Roche' has not been the same.  He doesn't want to be near either of them.  He growls (a sound I have never heard before). He hisses (I had heard him do this twice before - at the ceiling fan).  The girl won't leave him be.  The big cat usually leaves him alone.  Or at least walks three feet away and plops down and is all "I am just chilling here.  I want no trouble."

But this morning he decided not to back off and right next to me, in the middle of sleep (finally after being in pain all night), I hear a freaking Puma and Lion going at it.  I think the noise came mostly from Roche'.  Regardless it freaked me the fuck out.  I yelled and the big cat ran out of the room and Roche' hid behind the bed.

I am now stuck in my bedroom because I refuse to lock him up in here as though he were being punished.  Plus, I need to make sure he gets out if he has to take care of business or eat.  Though he has come out and is hanging with me on the bed.

Their fighting is causing me so much stress.  The truth is I come from the school of pets should add goodness to you life.  I always thought that people who had trouble pets were complete and utter dumb-asses.  I never had a pet for that reason.  Why the hell would I take care of something that got on my nerves and did not add value to my life?   Not only that, but to cause grief?  I would not take that shit from a person, why the fuck would I take it from a mini beast?  I deserve to be shot for tolerating it. I am embarrassed by it.  It is the stupidest thing in the world.  Truth be told, I am miserable about it.  I am tired of yelling at them.  Not just for fighting, but for doing things or going to places they should not be.  I have started calling the girl "earmuffs"  as in she's make a good pair.

That is why I love Roche' so much.  He's obedient and sweet - the worst things he does is eat ribbons and bites a little when I play rough with him - but I let him do that.  He does not jump on any surfaces.  Couch, bed, and armchairs only.  He is perfect for me.  He causes me stress when he is unwell and that's it.  I took him from a place where he was bullied and now I have but him in a bad situation.  I kinda want to cry right now.  The poor thing.

Maybe we should have stayed put.

That Darn Cat

I have never seen that movie.  I hear it's a Disney classic though.  Of course they had to fart it up with a modern version.  I guess Christina Ricci was in it, but it did not feature her being chained to a radiator so no one saw it.  I admit I saw Black Snake Moan, but I had received it through Neflix and it sat at my house for like two months before I did.

Why the Hollywood machine insists on  making remakes, I will never understand.  If they were any sort of smart, they would simply re-release the originals at the theaters.  They are already made and the royalties would be alot less than paying new non talent hacks. Just saying.

I had a horrifying experience the other day.  Of course, I am going to share with you because you deserve to hear it.

I made a nice little dinner for myself on Sunday.  My dining table  is conveniently arranged for easy access to the kitchen and well as having a perfect view of the TV.  That's actually insignificant.

Anyway,   I look into the room that the cat had been in & where his box is.  I notice something on the floor.  I go in inspect.

My cat's ass apparently exploded!  There was feliniarrhea everywhere.  It was gruesome.  I compose myself and start to clean up and realize...this is smeared....paws have been in this.  Yipes.

I have to hunt him down and give him a bath pronto.  He did not put up much of a fight.  Luckily, there was no collateral damage to the rest of the house.  But he did have some yuckiness on his tail.  He protested a snare, but let me bathe him.  I know I have mentioned before that he is a really good cat.  He is currently sitting on my shoulder and still smells like baby shampoo.  Precious.

So I am in a panic.  Do I take him to the hospital?  I call the boyfriend and leave a message.  I decide to call his vet and leave a message to go see her on Monday.  Meanwhile, one of my girlfriends calls and Mac calls me back.  Total chaos.  As I talked to my friend though, I realized that, while he did have the booty flu, what caused the mess is that it got on his tail.  Poor lamb.

Don't worry - I bleached the crap out of everything.  No pun intended.

Look how ridiculously cute he is.

He's better now, in case you're wondering.  He still has a little bit of the booty flu, but it's not like uber liquid.  More like a mini cow flop.  Awesome.

Smooches!

Kiss My Grits

I have an ulcer.

No really, I do.  It totally kicked into gear yesterday and I thought I was going to die.  It is ridiculously painful.  Stress is completely running a muck through my body.  It's total bullshit.  I feel better today as I drank a bottle of Maalox and took some Zantac,

I have a ton on my mind.  The job search is frustrating as hell.  I am in freak out mode about finances.  Did I mention that I owed over $2,000 in taxes?  Yep.   Awesome.  My lease is up in September.  My money runs out in June.  I am losing it.

And Mercury is in retrograde.  For real, Mercury...cut it out.

Regardless if you are into astrology or not, you will notice that things are chaotic or messed up around you at random times of the year.  Electronics go haywire, communication is general is fubar - whether technical or actual conversation and things just seem difficult.  Everything is a mess.  When you notice this, go check it out online.  I bet anything that Mercury is in retrograde.  Basically it slows down, so appears to be going backwards.  Many negative events have historically taken place during those periods.  Could be a coincidence.  All I know is it messes with my shit.  And underlying issues come out of the closet.

You cannot hide from your inner feelings.  It seems to make the truth come out.

Stupid Mercury.
Retrograde Info

I know I have been very emotional, very stressed, and freaked out on my boyfriend during our visit.   I don't mean I yelled at him or something dumb.  I was having some rational fears about moving out there and broke down about it.  Again, I am in freak out mode.  I have a ton of changes that need to take place.

Baby steps.  Today, I chill out, write a bit and sleep off the ulcer pain.  Tomorrow is another day.

I had a show last night and we could not get the mics to work,  Kyle broke his piano,  we bought a mic cord that was bad - we finally decided to do an acoustic show.  Well, Kyle was plugged in, but not into a system.  it actually turned out pretty well.  Someone took pictures - I should hopefully have some up soon. 

Did you all love "Alice" as much as I did?  Of course I loved it.  Sass running wild.  Between Flo and Alice I learned a lot about giving lip and being sarcastic.  Damn, Alice (well the actress that played her) had awesome delivery.  I was not a fan of Vera though.  I was never a fan of Chrissy on "Three's Company" either.  I am  not fond of using being dumb as a comedic device.  The exception is Vinnie Barbarino on "Welcome Back Kotter"  I was down with him. In general,  I hate stupid people so do not find it humorous.  You should all know this fact about me.  You should also know that I am fully aware of my grammatical errors.  If that makes me a bit of a hypocrite - whoopsies.

Anyway,  Flo.  God love her.  Gentlemen, sit back for this one, as I am about to get personal.  Not a big deal - just a little warning.  I was once a snare late for the period and called my girlfriend up when I finally started and it was brutal.   All I said to her was "kiss my grits" and she knew what I meant.  Flo.  Get it?

It was really funny when it happened.  I guess it's not that great of a story.

I need a nap.  Go watch some Alice and have a great day!  Love to you all. 

It's 4am; Do You Know Where Your Cat Is?

I see on Facebook that a few friends and friends of friends are awake with a lovely case on insomnia.  What up with that?

I am having a bit of anxiety myself.  I am preparing for a new chapter and it is going to be pretty; but requires much change.  I am not moving in with my sweetheart tomorrow, but it seems the route we are taking for sure.  Given our circumstances the logical move is for me to go to CA.  I am not opposed to warm weather and fresh fruits and veggies.  In fact, I am super looking forward to that.

I am also looking forward to being with him and to going to school to take a new direction in my career.  Sometimes you have to know when to fold 'em.  My chosen profession is not a good industry right now and frankly, I am being overlooked because I have been out of the market for so long.  It's total bullshit.  I mean, I may be being overlooked for other reasons also, but I have been actually told that it's an issue by those that have interviewed me.  Thanks for making me feel like a total loser, dude.

I mentioned Holistic Health a post or two back; and although I do absolutely plan on becoming certified, I decided to look into the Medical industry - specifically sonography.  Nice run on sentence.  There is a need for it, so I should have no trouble finding a job.  And I think it will offer me what I need.  A well paid job with minimal stress.  So I'll have to be on my feet and deal with patients.  Whatever, I will probably make their visit a bit better.  But at least I can leave work at work.  The only thing working my ass off in my career gave me was extra poundage and an ulcer.  Spanks!

It is so stressful to get x-rays or ultrasounds done.  Well maybe not when you are preggers and not expecting any issues;  but when something is not right and you have to walk into that dark room alone...it would be nice to have a comforting person there.

I think it's a good choice for me.  And it feels right.  And it will only take me 2 years if I go full time.  And it will not cost an arm and a leg.

All good things, right?  So I do have to likely leave my fair city.  I am seriously not trilled about that but that is not what has got me in a tizzy.

It's my little lamb.

I mean, seriously...look at this little butter bean.  He's 7lbs 10 oz.  and declawed.  He is so precious, I can't stand it.  He is super well behaved, though he does have a penchant for eating ribbons and does unintentionally play with the key pad when he is snuggling with me.  He is so good about having to take his meds (ear swipe only luckily) and really doesn't put up much of a fight for anything.  He is super fun to play with too.  he follows me around like a puppy and answers me ("Where's Roche'?" - I have to do that because I have a dark rug and with no lights on I could step on him.  It's like playing Marco Polo)  or comes to me when I call him.  For real.

This little guy will not jump on any furniture, only the bed, couch, and the one living room chair.  No counters, no dressers not tables.  If he throws a toy and it lands on a table, he waits for me to find it and give it to him so he can continue playing.

I got Roche' about 6 years ago from a former boss.  He had been terrorized by the other cat.  She would not  let him do anything, that bitch.  My boss was moving and decided that he only wanted one cat.  He had the female first so did not want to give her up.  They were all staying at the hotel, so I decided to check him out.  I had never had a pet before.  Frankly, I have never been an animal person.

In fact, I had been known to say "Get that thing away from me before I make a purse out of it"

Not kidding.

Anyway, I walk into the room and I see this cat that I immediately want to punch it.  I even made the  "I am disgusted" face.  I hated it.  I was like "Is that him?" " No, he's probably hiding."

I look behind the chair and I see the sweetest creature I ever laid my eyes on.  He runs out to go hide under the bed,  But before he does, he head butts my hand.  I look at him under the bed and ask "Do you want to come home with me?"  He looks at me and mews, comes forwards and nuzzles my hand.

Done and done.

I go that night and buy a crap load to stuff: bed, litter box, toys - the works.

The night I take him home, my boss is all "I hate to let him go"  I tell him that if I take him he absolutely cannot have him back.  He tells me that he will likely hide for a week or two.  I probably will not get to see him for a bit.

I take a cab home and he presses up at close to me as possible through the kennel.  His fir is like nothing I expect from a cat.  He actually feels like the softest bunny you can imagine.

I take him home, place him in front of the litter box; which he of course goes into to hide...for 10 minutes.  He then comes out into the room that I am sitting in, mews, and lies on his back.  Seriously, belly up.

I am sure if he could speak he would have said "Ahhhh.  I am home."  That night he actually slept on me, which he still often does, or snuggles with me.  I usually wake up with him sleeping on my hip ( I sleep on my side).

I know he is not my baby, but I am responsible for him.  And I love him so much.  He is really my cat.  If I were a character in The Golden Compass, he'd be my deamon; if in Wicked, my familiar.  I basically feel that I would likely not get another cat when the time comes that age takes him.  I just do not think I would want another.  He is so perfect for me, why would I have anything less?

My boyfriend has two cats.  They are super cute, though a bit less disciplined than Roche'.   I really do love them and love me. They actually listen to me a bit.  The big guy often comes when I call him.  Mac tells me that this is quite unusual.  They are also nice cats, not mean spirited at all.

They pretty much have free reign.  Mac does not like to reprimand them for walking on living and bedroom tables.  The trouble with that is that they don't really get it that they should not walk on the kitchen counter or table or kitchen chairs.  This grosses me out to no end.  They don't do it in front of us, but they do do it.  I have caught the female on the table a few times.

We both spoil our pets in different ways.  Roche' has four beds and a sizable basket of toys.  These little guys get fed at 5am every morning and get to walk on almost everything.  He does disciple them as he deems necessary though.  Everyone has their things they do for their pets.

They also have claws.  Things do not looked torn up around here, but it kinda bothers me out that I cannot really have any nice linens or anything.

Here is the real thing.  I am terrified that they will abuse Roche'.  Seriously, the one cat could kill him.  He is over double his size/weight and a robo beast.  The smaller one could as well, as she has claws.  They are sweet enough, but I am having a super OCD anxiety attack with the image of coming home and finding my  little guy shredded to death.  I seriously cannot fall asleep because of it.

What would I do?  If I move out here and those cats are mean to my little guy, I do not know what I will do.  Get my own place?  I am certainly not getting rid of him.  And I am certainly not going to tolerate him being unhappy or scared.

He will never get to lie in the living room belly up again.  It breaks my heart a little that he will not have that security.

To a non-pet person, this may all seem ridiculous.  But I rescued that cat from a life of hiding under couches and beds, of being to scared to get some food.  He's a for real pussy cat.

But don't think that stops him from jumping up to go see what that noise was when something falls in the middle of the night or run to the door when he senses a weird outside in the hallway.  He is my cat after all, he may be little, but he's gonna try to protect me.  He's a protective little critter.  Like he can even do anything with his mini paws and no front claws.

You gotta love that spirit,  but when it comes down to it, he would probably get his ass kicked.

Okay, that Xanax is kicking in.  Nighty-night, my lovelies.

Ha ha!  The big fella just ran down the stairs, calling to me and is laying behind my head on the couch arm.  For him, that is some major affection.

Maybe he will be a good boy.