I have an ulcer.
No really, I do. It totally kicked into gear yesterday and I thought I was going to die. It is ridiculously painful. Stress is completely running a muck through my body. It's total bullshit. I feel better today as I drank a bottle of Maalox and took some Zantac,
I have a ton on my mind. The job search is frustrating as hell. I am in freak out mode about finances. Did I mention that I owed over $2,000 in taxes? Yep. Awesome. My lease is up in September. My money runs out in June. I am losing it.
And Mercury is in retrograde. For real, Mercury...cut it out.
Regardless if you are into astrology or not, you will notice that things are chaotic or messed up around you at random times of the year. Electronics go haywire, communication is general is fubar - whether technical or actual conversation and things just seem difficult. Everything is a mess. When you notice this, go check it out online. I bet anything that Mercury is in retrograde. Basically it slows down, so appears to be going backwards. Many negative events have historically taken place during those periods. Could be a coincidence. All I know is it messes with my shit. And underlying issues come out of the closet.
You cannot hide from your inner feelings. It seems to make the truth come out.
Stupid Mercury.
Retrograde Info
I know I have been very emotional, very stressed, and freaked out on my boyfriend during our visit. I don't mean I yelled at him or something dumb. I was having some rational fears about moving out there and broke down about it. Again, I am in freak out mode. I have a ton of changes that need to take place.
Baby steps. Today, I chill out, write a bit and sleep off the ulcer pain. Tomorrow is another day.
I had a show last night and we could not get the mics to work, Kyle broke his piano, we bought a mic cord that was bad - we finally decided to do an acoustic show. Well, Kyle was plugged in, but not into a system. it actually turned out pretty well. Someone took pictures - I should hopefully have some up soon.
Did you all love "Alice" as much as I did? Of course I loved it. Sass running wild. Between Flo and Alice I learned a lot about giving lip and being sarcastic. Damn, Alice (well the actress that played her) had awesome delivery. I was not a fan of Vera though. I was never a fan of Chrissy on "Three's Company" either. I am not fond of using being dumb as a comedic device. The exception is Vinnie Barbarino on "Welcome Back Kotter" I was down with him. In general, I hate stupid people so do not find it humorous. You should all know this fact about me. You should also know that I am fully aware of my grammatical errors. If that makes me a bit of a hypocrite - whoopsies.
Anyway, Flo. God love her. Gentlemen, sit back for this one, as I am about to get personal. Not a big deal - just a little warning. I was once a snare late for the period and called my girlfriend up when I finally started and it was brutal. All I said to her was "kiss my grits" and she knew what I meant. Flo. Get it?
It was really funny when it happened. I guess it's not that great of a story.
I need a nap. Go watch some Alice and have a great day! Love to you all.
Baby steps are the right way to go. Nothing is insurmountable if you take it in manageable piecess. Freaking out is a natural response to feeling overwhelmed. Change is scariest when observed from the point at which you know it is coming, but haven't yet determined how to navigate through it. I plan on being there in the boat with you, bailing water or paddling, whatever is needed.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you were able to make the accoustic jam work last night, and that you are feeling a bit better today.
Please take care of yourself, dear Arty. My brother inlaw just had surgery and a 5-day hospital stay for a perforated ulcer because he hadn't taken his Zantac and wasn't taking care of himself. He's the same age as you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I've been freaking out all over Ben this past week. I can't seem to chill out at all. Do you think that's a Mercury thing, too? Red and Bubbles are here tonight. Maybe they can slap some sense into me!
@Mac - I am so overwhelmed. I need to chill. And I am feeling better. Dull, but better.
ReplyDelete@Smarty - I am being good. Changing the diet and such. I believe it to be a combo of naughty food and stress. Yes, I believe it to be a Mercury thing. No big decisions, no new plans until April 23 - just take care of what's already started.
Take care of yourself and be easy if you really want to be freaked out with Astrology check out alwaysastrology.com. If you know the time you were born you can check out your sun sign your compatability and all this stuff that totally flipped me out because its how I feel in my silent thoughts. I hope the stress and anxiety of all your going through does not manifest itself anymore physically. remember be easy there aint nothin that deep.
ReplyDeleteFirst for the stress thing..friends of mine years back when I lost EVERY fucking thing including almost my own sanity suggested to me an Herbal remedy. They were very into herbals and auras and stuff like that but they were well respected people and I adored them so when they gave me a bottle of it I took it out of respect to them. It sat on my counter for months because I don't believe in pills and shit..plus it was called "Chill Pill" which made me even more cynical. One day I tried it and felt more calm..I figured it was placebo but I kept taking it over time and it seemed to fit the bill and it's the ONLY remedy I ever bother to suggest to anybody and it's only to deal with stress. It's worth a try and available online and in some health food stores.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Flo I loves me a sassy woman and she always made my blood boil amongst other things ;-)...though Lisa would suggest it's cuz I have a thing for older women lmao :-D
@ Digg - "Be easy"...I feel that. Nice one. I wil1 also check out that site. Thanks!
ReplyDelete@ Chris - yeah, there are some really good herbs. Like Valerian is supposed to be awesome. I will totally look into chill pills!`
Flo is a hot bitch. Why wouldn't you be into her?! Say hi to Lisa for me :)
Holy shit, astrology and the word fubar in one post. I've used both of those things in the last week, which I never do. Maybe I'm stealing your thoughts. Better get that tin foil hat ready.
ReplyDeleteAnd valerian is excellent, it's one of the few things that helps with my insomnia aside from sports. (They don't bore me - I mean they're the only things that relax me enough to sleep.) Smells and tastes nasty as fuck though - I keep mine in capsules, in a bottle, in a sealed bag and I can STILL smell it when I can open the drawer. Does help though, if you can gag it down.
Sati! Hey girl! Haha - I guess it's all in the air. I forget what sign you are, but we must be in sync right now.
ReplyDeleteI should totally watch baseball. That always puts me to sleep. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for the idea!
Aquarius, except that I changed my birthday. I now celebrate it on the 3rd of May. I guess that makes me a Taurus. Ehh, whatever, I don't have any Taurean characteristics. I'm still an Aquarius, just an Aquarius whose birthday is in May. *shrug*
ReplyDeleteBaseball relaxes you or bores you? I remember you made a post about sports, and I think you didn't like football, but I can't remember what else. I have the memory of a fruit fly.
Changed your birthday? How?! Why? Security reasons?
ReplyDeleteBaseball bores me. Plus the dull roar of the crowd sounds like white noise. I am more of an extreme sports fan. Skateboarding, motocross - that sort of thing.
We can not slap sense into Smarty because she will slap us back!
ReplyDeleteOMG, let me tell you: Last week was the communication week from hell. Then I got an update that Jupiter is also in retrograde in my sign.
WTF!
I hope you are feeling better. Please take good care of yourself, ok?
Poor lamb!! It's been brutal. Though sometimes when I find out that the retrograde crap is going on, I feel better. Like when you are super crabby and then you are like "oh, I have pms" and you feel a little better because it's explains it some. At least that's how I am. Doesn't make me less crabby, just makes me feel like I know why.
ReplyDeleteI am and I have been meaning to call you! I need a chat with my girl!
Nahh, personal reasons. I'll prolly write about them at some point.
ReplyDeleteAnd you can add me to the fucked up comms list. Last two weeks I got cut off the net. No biggie, I figured - anyone important will call me. Except it didn't happen. No call. Just an email.
Now I have the iPhone. I'm available 24-7. Do they message me? Nyet. And even though I know that the phone will beep if they do, I'm still checking it every fifteen mins, just in case.
Fucking mercury.
Always feels better to have a reason, though.
You are so cute, Sati, I swear. I am hearing alot of similar stories from everyone really. It will pass, but I feel like I am having a 6 weeks PMS session. Booooo.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet friend, it is indeed a difficult time in your life. Getting the right amount of sleep coupled with a sensible diet goes a long way toward feeling more in control. Just one thing at a time, e.g. tomorrow have a healthy, protein-filled breakfast, then don't worry about lunch until it's time. And so on...
ReplyDeleteTaken in smaller bites, life is easier to digest. You're already on your way. You have a plan, you're taking your meds and you have a support system. USE the support system! Talk, request and simply rant a bit. It helps; I promise.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself some room to simply reflect. No action necessary until your plans are solidified. I realize time is getting short, but you need to cut yourself a break.
Sending good vibes and prayers your way, hon.