Does This Bed Come Equipt With Earplugs?

I do not know what my deal is with not writing.  I think it's because I feel like I do not have enough exciting things going on.  Except I did not write much about that anyway.  I've had a bunch of running thoughts and didn't get around to writing them.  I have to do it in the moment or I just kinds lose the hutzpah, you know. Also, I tend to just write about what's annoying me at the moment.

And at the moment it's my honey's snoring.  Lord.  Have.  Mercy.

Now, I have been known to snore a bit.  Mostly because the boobs smash my wind pipe.  Sorry, but it's true.  Regardless, I know I snore sometimes.

Why is it that the person that snores like a beastmaster falls asleep the minute their head hits the pillow?  Seriously.  It's a pattern.

Growing up, I found my dad's snoring comforting.  He worked rotating shifts and he worked hard, bless him.  Hearing him snore meant he was home.   And as he grew older, hearing him snore also meant I knew he was still alive.  Though I once almost gave him a heart attack sneaking up on him one drunken late night.

What?  I crawled in during the wee hours and he was lying on the floor (which he does often doze off in front of the telly) but was not snoring.  So my drunk ass goes downstairs and gets in his face to hear if he's breathing. Of course he wakes up in horror to find his big curly haired, goth makeup wearing, inebriated daughter inches from his mug.

I'm surprised he didn't take a swing at me.  I probably would have.

p.s. I was of age.  I did live with the parents for a year or so after college.  Good folks.

That snoring went on in another room though.  As a girl, I found comfort in it.  Hell, even now I do when I visit them.  But right now, oooo lawd.

Actually he's (my man) not all that bad. I've been finding myself not getting to sleep until like 4am or something and then sleeping in a bit when he goes to work.  I am considering getting a graveyard shift job, though that would be we wouldn't be able to go to bed together and I don't even mean that in a pervy way.  It's just nice to actually sleep together.  I know he feels bad about it, poor lamb.  It's not all his fault anyway.

I have trouble falling asleep as it is.  I always have.  I am a nocturnal person.  I kick into gear in the evening.  I have always been this way, even as a child.  My parents were constantly yelling at me to go to sleep.  I'd be all up in my room reading, watching TV (on this precious 12 inch black & white), or listening to music - which always gave me away because I'd sing.  One of them would come in and be like "SLEEP!"  I just simply could not.

Sometimes I get up and do stuff  - like tonight.  Other times I just try to relax in bed and I play games on my iPhone, which my sweetheart of a man got me.  I should try to make better use of my time.  I will hopefully be going back to school soon and will not have the luxury of late night shenanigans.

And really, if snoring is the biggest conflict to deal with, I don't have too much to complain about.

Happy Holidays!

Check this guy out.  Come on...just come on.  And the poor cat.  Look at those poor, soulless eyes that say "I cannot tolerate another minute of this guy's weird."

I wonder if he snores.  Though I kinda doubt it would keep anyone else up.

Romance Schmomance (or Has Anyone Seen My Fiance?)

I have lost my fiance!  Not really.  I just love that scene from Seinfeld.  Elaine Benis is a brilliant character.  I cannot even deal sometimes.  For some reason, I could not embed the video.  Booo.

So this is how we rolled.  Friday afternoon, after some errands and talking the puss in boots to the vet, we went to my parents for lunch.  Traffic was brutal and the dumb car I had rented (a chevy Malibu, by the way) had crazy blind spots.  I absolutely hated driving it.  we were seriously like 2 hours later than expected.

He immediately talks to my daddy.  Yes, he full on went old school.  If you met my dad, you'd know why.  Dad has aire about him that yells "respect"; but not because he demands it, rather because he deserves it.  Plus I am a total daddy's girl.  Come on.

We go from there to an undisclosed location in the burbs.  Turns out to be a place I had never heard of.  It's like a little village of bungalows.  Totally private even though it was actually at the end of a neighborhood.  Cute.  We check in and then go to our room.

Are you kidding me?  First thing I see: balloons, a tower of balloons.  Rose petals and candles everywhere. Whirlpool tub the size of a Queen bed...steam & shower room.  Champagne (he had even chosen the sweet stuff, knowing that's my preference). Come on!  I want to live here.

He is so awesome.  He had done so much research to find a place and made sure that everything was set up the way he wanted.  Yes, I am quite happy with my choice.

We have reservations for dinner at 8pm.  We are both exhausted and decide to just chill out for a bit.  We did not want to get all into the tub and stuff because we knew we'd be down for the count if we did.  man, those jacuzzi tubs are relaxing.  I could sleep in them.  Anyway, we are getting ready to just lounge and he's all having to show me something first.

I turn around.  He's down on one knee.  Bless his baboon heart.  He asks and I see a blur of sparkle.  I say yes, of course. Hug, kiss, blah and then I am like wait...I saw some bling.

I look at it and it's divine.  So perfect for me.  It looks vintage and modern at the same time.  Serious perfection.

And yes, I cried like a baby.  It was ridiculous.

What a difference a year makes.   We were not even aware of each others existence and now...we are getting married!  How about that.

One Ring To Rule Them All

I have been a busy bee.  I am planning a move cross country.

Yes, I am California bound.

I have had my freak-outs about it.  I am sad to leave my dear old dirty town.  I love Chicago so much.  But let's be honest; it is not giving me what I need.  Will I return?  It's very likely.

It's time for a new era.  I actually said a few years ago that if Daley was no longer mayor that I'd scram.  I guess I put it out into the universe.

But change is needed and change is good.  It's time.

Another change: in about twenty four hours my left ring finger will have a permanent adornment.

I haven't seen it yet and am so excited.  And I am so excited to start this new part of my life with him.  It is truly amazing that we found each other.

I try not to talk about it too much.  I am not the most romantic person sometimes.  I think because it makes me uncomfortable sometimes when people are too mushy and I do not want to be the cause of that.

See you after I am affianced.  Meanwhile enjoy this:

I Have a Case of the Awkwards

I have seen this picture before and it never ceases to amaze me.   What were they thinking?

I love that I most recently found it on a Jewish parenting blog.  Even more awkward!  What is going on?

So, I am at my sweetheart's place and he had to go to work.   His cleaning lady is here.  Frankly, I may have preferred that she come next week.  Or maybe I could have just left for a while.  I am feeling a snare awkies.  To be honest, I feel  like she might be ripping him off.

From what I have noticed in the past, she basically just does the floors and wipes down surfaces in the kitchen.  The stairs look like they have never been swept, nor the bedroom furniture dusted.  I know that one time, I arrived when she was cleaning and we left.  When we returned there was dust on the shelves that the glasses and dishes are stored on.  Considering that there is no other furniture besides the TV stand and couch, I think that it is not too much to expect the "bookcase" that holds the glassware to be dusted.

Window sills - dusty.  Floorboards - dusty.  I seriously do not get it.  Granted, the place is always pretty clean - but we also pick up after ourselves.  It's not like anything is really dirty anyway.

I mean, I can come here every two weeks and sweeps the floors for crying out loud.

Oh man, have I got some PMS for you.

I know that my place gets really dusty very quickly.  Like the same day that I clean.  I also live in a 100 year old building, in a major city, on a really busy street.

I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe things just get dusty by my next visit.  Somehow I doubt it.

Do not think for a minute that I am not doing a white glove inspection when she leaves.  Yeah, I'm an asshole like that.

I will not have someone take advantage of my boyfriend.  Not when I know that he pays her what a hotel housekeeper would make in 4 hours.  And those guestrooms are pretty clean.  I say this from my experience in the industry and can only speak as to the cleanliness of hotels I've worked at.

In 4 hours this place would be spotless.  He is not cluttery at all.  It's easy to clean.  In fact the only things that are out are mine.

I had one of the housekeepers come help me once.  I gave her $60 and she protested that it was too much, when she had worked her ass off for like 3 hours and my place had been a pit.  It was spotless.  She moved the furniture, dusted everything.  I did do my bedroom myself and dusted the living room, but she did mostly everything.  And honestly - it was a fucking sty.  I had been working non-stop for weeks and was a basket case.  I organized crap while she cleaned.  Seriously, she washed everything, like even the bar glasses that I keep on the counter.  That stuff gets dirty if you do not periodically clean them.

Hence my concern for my honey's place.  I mean, that kind of thing piles up, and soon all your surfaces can be icky.

I am guessing that she will do a better job today though.

Though I cannot figure out why the laundry is running.  I was tossing my dirties directly into the machine all week.  I was going to add more to it to do a load.  There are like two shirts and 5 pair of nundies in there - why the hell would you run that?  Not necessary.

Ugh, I am cranky.   And poor Mac - I am always complaining about the dust.  Honestly, his place is cleaner that mine usually is.  I just feel like she is being paid more that what she is doing.  Maybe that is just my expectations though.  And really, I am glad that the bathroom fixtures and such get cleaned.  It's just those little things that end up piling up and then become a huge chore...that yours truly does not want to have to end up eventually doing.

I also don't know how people look normal when they clean.  I am a grubby, nasty looking beast of a woman when I do chores.  No question about it.  I am wearing crap and feeling like it too.

I call shenanigans on this.  This here is the myth:

 

This right here is the reality of the situation:

And she doesn't even look that bad.  Whatever.  Marketing nonsense.

Hmmm...maybe I should dress cuter when I clean.  I think then I would not want to get down to the nitty gritty though.  My problem is that I do not really maintain well.  I let things go a bit and then have to work really hard to clean it all.  At least I used to be like that.  I have gotten much better over the last year or so.  But I still look like crap when I am doing it.

Hey, I can't always look glorious.

Not Your Average Hausfrau

I am turning into a for real Hausfrau.

There are worse things for sure.  It seems though that it is becoming what is going to happen over the next year or so.  It doesn't mean that I won't be listening to some punk while whist dusting.  That's how I roll.  Though really, I will be a student as well.  Time to go back to school.  Actually, I am basically a Hausfrau right now, just for myself.  And I never even bought myself a ring.  Cheap ass.

I am pretty lucky.  My boyfriend is super supportive.  He is happy to help me through college; he is supportive about creating a business to sell homemade remedies and teas; he's pretty much an awesome partner really.

I think I am also really happy to have someone that I can cook with.  It's so much fun.  I have never had that before.  And he's a gadget person, so buying random shit is not an issue, but in fact, encouraged.

I also have been looking at recipes.  Not a big deal, you may say.  It's not really.  Except that I do not use recipes.  Everything I cook, I make up along the way.  I do not bake usually.  If I do, it's cookies in a tube or boxed cake.  Too many rules to follow!

But cooking...I am like a little mad scientist.  "I wonder what will happen if..." and I just go for it.  I have seldom been off.  The only real times I have is when I tried cooking for my PB (psuedo boyfriend / peanut butter / best girlfriend ).  PB is German as hell and loves her some bland food.  I try to replicate dishes for her when we do dinners and they always taste like crap.  So she thinks I am an awful cook.  It's funny really.

The man and I are often on cooking sites.  I am especially, really.  I think it's because I know he is game.  It makes cooking less of a chore.

Though I am happy with him, I have been a snare "blargh" in general so haven't been posting. Malaise! I need to remember that it's something I like to do.  I apologize for being negligent.  But I'll leave you with a recipe.

You can thank Smarty, as she saw me post something about it on Facebook.  My sister made this at Easter since I told her I could not eat chocolate.  How precious is that?  I told her fruit would be fine, since she was already making fruit salad.  But no - she had to make this crack.  We brought some home and I am totally making it for Mac's birthday.

Enjoy!

Coconut Creme Cheesecake Bars

What You Need

84 NILLA Wafers, divided

6 Tbsp.  butter, melted

1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened

2 Tbsp.  sugar

1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed, divided

2 pkg.  (3.4 oz. each) JELL-O Vanilla Flavor Instant Pudding

2-1/2 cups cold milk

1-1/2 cups  BAKER'S ANGEL FLAKE Coconut, toasted, divided

Make It

RESERVE 24 wafers. Crush remaining wafers; mix with butter. Press onto bottom of 13x9-inch pan. Refrigerate while preparing filling.
BEAT cream cheese and sugar with mixer until well blended. Whisk in 1 cup COOL WHIP. Carefully spread over crust. Stand reserved wafers around edges.
BEAT pudding mixes and milk with whisk in medium bowl 2 min. Stir in 1 cup COOL WHIP and 3/4 cup coconut; spread over cream cheese layer. Top with remaining COOL WHIP and coconut. Refrigerate 5 hours.

How to Toast Coconut

Toasting coconut is easy. Just spread BAKER'S ANGEL FLAKE Coconut evenly in shallow baking pan. Bake at 350°F for 7 to 10 min. or until lightly browned, stirring frequently. Or, spread in microwaveable pie plate. Microwave on HIGH 3 min. or until lightly browned, stirring every minute. Watch carefully as coconut can easily burn!

WARNING!  This stuff is highly addictive.

Roll With the Punches

What happens when you meet the person of you dreams and they live over 1,000 miles away?

Speaking for myself - you freak out a little.

I have no doubts about my man.  It's not even an issue.  But my world is about to be turned upside down and I am wigging out.

There are so many things I like about moving to CA.  Nice weather and being with him.  I am going to go back to school out there.  It's really going to be a great new chapter in my life.  And, oh my God, fresh fruits and veggies.  I am spazzing about that.

There are good things, great things for sure.  I am just a person that is slow to change.  I usually do need something crazy to happen in order to get me out of my doldrums and vague contentedness.

I am in a panic, I admit, about finances.  My money runs out in June, my lease is up in September.  We are talking about living together as soon as we can.  Though that prospect makes me happy, there is still the feeling of - "oh my god, I have to wrap everything up here, I have to say goodbye to people"  It's totally freaking me out.

I am a creature of habit.  I am concerned about things like finding a new doctor that I like.  Totally random, I know; but I love my doctor.  I have been her patient since I was 23.  She knows everything about me.  I hate the idea of finding a new one.

It's those little things that I am freaking out about.  I mean, I've lived in the same apartment for 7 years, with the same landlord for 13.  BubblesDeux wants to move out here, maybe she'll sublease my place if I need to move before September.

He's a relationship person, I am a total single girl.  It's not a monogamy issue, because I am super down with that.  In fact, it's a requirement.  I just mean that I am not used to someone being up my butt.  I go for days without speaking to people.  Like I do not talk to my girlfriends everyday

It's just all happening so fast is all.  To be honest, I knew that I was going to find my partner last year.  I called it from January 1 of 2010.  I told my bestie that 2010 would be a year of completion and I just knew.

After I met him (we spent NYE 2011 weekend together) and talked to her, she was like "in typical fashion - you wait until the last minute"

I run late for everything.  Did you all forget?

Will that drive him crazy?  Probably.  But I warned him from day one.  I am just one of those people.

I am going to go for a walk, pick out some plants (like from the store, not from a neighbor's yard can you imagine?), and fill up my flower pots.  It was 82 in Chicago yesterday.  82! It's early for that here.   I think we have snow or some shit next week.  Mother Nature...you silly goose.

Have a glorious day, kittens!

Here's some Sloan for you.  The song starts about 2:45 in if you want to fast forward.  It's a long video for some reason.

And a live version.  I love these guys, even though their last album sucked donkey balls.  Their old stuff is magic.  Magic, I tell you.

It's 4am; Do You Know Where Your Cat Is?

I see on Facebook that a few friends and friends of friends are awake with a lovely case on insomnia.  What up with that?

I am having a bit of anxiety myself.  I am preparing for a new chapter and it is going to be pretty; but requires much change.  I am not moving in with my sweetheart tomorrow, but it seems the route we are taking for sure.  Given our circumstances the logical move is for me to go to CA.  I am not opposed to warm weather and fresh fruits and veggies.  In fact, I am super looking forward to that.

I am also looking forward to being with him and to going to school to take a new direction in my career.  Sometimes you have to know when to fold 'em.  My chosen profession is not a good industry right now and frankly, I am being overlooked because I have been out of the market for so long.  It's total bullshit.  I mean, I may be being overlooked for other reasons also, but I have been actually told that it's an issue by those that have interviewed me.  Thanks for making me feel like a total loser, dude.

I mentioned Holistic Health a post or two back; and although I do absolutely plan on becoming certified, I decided to look into the Medical industry - specifically sonography.  Nice run on sentence.  There is a need for it, so I should have no trouble finding a job.  And I think it will offer me what I need.  A well paid job with minimal stress.  So I'll have to be on my feet and deal with patients.  Whatever, I will probably make their visit a bit better.  But at least I can leave work at work.  The only thing working my ass off in my career gave me was extra poundage and an ulcer.  Spanks!

It is so stressful to get x-rays or ultrasounds done.  Well maybe not when you are preggers and not expecting any issues;  but when something is not right and you have to walk into that dark room alone...it would be nice to have a comforting person there.

I think it's a good choice for me.  And it feels right.  And it will only take me 2 years if I go full time.  And it will not cost an arm and a leg.

All good things, right?  So I do have to likely leave my fair city.  I am seriously not trilled about that but that is not what has got me in a tizzy.

It's my little lamb.

I mean, seriously...look at this little butter bean.  He's 7lbs 10 oz.  and declawed.  He is so precious, I can't stand it.  He is super well behaved, though he does have a penchant for eating ribbons and does unintentionally play with the key pad when he is snuggling with me.  He is so good about having to take his meds (ear swipe only luckily) and really doesn't put up much of a fight for anything.  He is super fun to play with too.  he follows me around like a puppy and answers me ("Where's Roche'?" - I have to do that because I have a dark rug and with no lights on I could step on him.  It's like playing Marco Polo)  or comes to me when I call him.  For real.

This little guy will not jump on any furniture, only the bed, couch, and the one living room chair.  No counters, no dressers not tables.  If he throws a toy and it lands on a table, he waits for me to find it and give it to him so he can continue playing.

I got Roche' about 6 years ago from a former boss.  He had been terrorized by the other cat.  She would not  let him do anything, that bitch.  My boss was moving and decided that he only wanted one cat.  He had the female first so did not want to give her up.  They were all staying at the hotel, so I decided to check him out.  I had never had a pet before.  Frankly, I have never been an animal person.

In fact, I had been known to say "Get that thing away from me before I make a purse out of it"

Not kidding.

Anyway, I walk into the room and I see this cat that I immediately want to punch it.  I even made the  "I am disgusted" face.  I hated it.  I was like "Is that him?" " No, he's probably hiding."

I look behind the chair and I see the sweetest creature I ever laid my eyes on.  He runs out to go hide under the bed,  But before he does, he head butts my hand.  I look at him under the bed and ask "Do you want to come home with me?"  He looks at me and mews, comes forwards and nuzzles my hand.

Done and done.

I go that night and buy a crap load to stuff: bed, litter box, toys - the works.

The night I take him home, my boss is all "I hate to let him go"  I tell him that if I take him he absolutely cannot have him back.  He tells me that he will likely hide for a week or two.  I probably will not get to see him for a bit.

I take a cab home and he presses up at close to me as possible through the kennel.  His fir is like nothing I expect from a cat.  He actually feels like the softest bunny you can imagine.

I take him home, place him in front of the litter box; which he of course goes into to hide...for 10 minutes.  He then comes out into the room that I am sitting in, mews, and lies on his back.  Seriously, belly up.

I am sure if he could speak he would have said "Ahhhh.  I am home."  That night he actually slept on me, which he still often does, or snuggles with me.  I usually wake up with him sleeping on my hip ( I sleep on my side).

I know he is not my baby, but I am responsible for him.  And I love him so much.  He is really my cat.  If I were a character in The Golden Compass, he'd be my deamon; if in Wicked, my familiar.  I basically feel that I would likely not get another cat when the time comes that age takes him.  I just do not think I would want another.  He is so perfect for me, why would I have anything less?

My boyfriend has two cats.  They are super cute, though a bit less disciplined than Roche'.   I really do love them and love me. They actually listen to me a bit.  The big guy often comes when I call him.  Mac tells me that this is quite unusual.  They are also nice cats, not mean spirited at all.

They pretty much have free reign.  Mac does not like to reprimand them for walking on living and bedroom tables.  The trouble with that is that they don't really get it that they should not walk on the kitchen counter or table or kitchen chairs.  This grosses me out to no end.  They don't do it in front of us, but they do do it.  I have caught the female on the table a few times.

We both spoil our pets in different ways.  Roche' has four beds and a sizable basket of toys.  These little guys get fed at 5am every morning and get to walk on almost everything.  He does disciple them as he deems necessary though.  Everyone has their things they do for their pets.

They also have claws.  Things do not looked torn up around here, but it kinda bothers me out that I cannot really have any nice linens or anything.

Here is the real thing.  I am terrified that they will abuse Roche'.  Seriously, the one cat could kill him.  He is over double his size/weight and a robo beast.  The smaller one could as well, as she has claws.  They are sweet enough, but I am having a super OCD anxiety attack with the image of coming home and finding my  little guy shredded to death.  I seriously cannot fall asleep because of it.

What would I do?  If I move out here and those cats are mean to my little guy, I do not know what I will do.  Get my own place?  I am certainly not getting rid of him.  And I am certainly not going to tolerate him being unhappy or scared.

He will never get to lie in the living room belly up again.  It breaks my heart a little that he will not have that security.

To a non-pet person, this may all seem ridiculous.  But I rescued that cat from a life of hiding under couches and beds, of being to scared to get some food.  He's a for real pussy cat.

But don't think that stops him from jumping up to go see what that noise was when something falls in the middle of the night or run to the door when he senses a weird outside in the hallway.  He is my cat after all, he may be little, but he's gonna try to protect me.  He's a protective little critter.  Like he can even do anything with his mini paws and no front claws.

You gotta love that spirit,  but when it comes down to it, he would probably get his ass kicked.

Okay, that Xanax is kicking in.  Nighty-night, my lovelies.

Ha ha!  The big fella just ran down the stairs, calling to me and is laying behind my head on the couch arm.  For him, that is some major affection.

Maybe he will be a good boy.

Balancing Acts

What a fun band from the late 80's.  Loved them in college. I may have to listen to them later.
The Balancing Act
We're Not Lost - Official Band Website

Sometimes I take my computer to bed with me.  I have trouble sleeping and if I am going to channel surf for something to watch on my favorite website ever, Hulu, take it with me as opposed to leaving it on my dresser with a movie playing or something.

Last night after a nice long call on Skype with my man, I decided to check some email, blogs, etc; then watch something and go to sleep.  Do you guys use Skype by the way?  It's awesome. Fifteen years ago my parents paid like $20 to talk for a few minutes to relatives in Greece.  Now I can call them and actually SEE them and it's all part of my internet service.  I can't exactly say "free" because you pay for an internet connection right?  But basically, it feels like it's free.  And who doesn't like free?!

So this little nugget comes to snuggle up with me and the computer.  I have my laptop on the bed and I am sitting up.  He cozies in between  my leg and the laptop.   I find this funny blog and am enjoying it.  Suddenly, stuff looks weird and the screen flickers.

Get your paws off the keyboard!

Ugh.  I go to "follow" that blog and the print in the window is monstrous.  I cannot scroll down in it either, so I cannot choose to follow any blogs right now.  Annoying.

The blogs themselves look normal, but my dashboard, the page that I am on now typing this, comments - basically any additional window  is humungaloid.

I am thoroughly annoyed.

That little critter totally changed my setting somehow.  Do you think I can figure it out?  Of course not.  I am a bit challenged in that department.  Lucky for me, the boyfriend knows or can figure out how to do anything.  So he is obviously going to be checking that out this weekend.  Fyi, sugar, my comp is being funky.  Thanks!!

We are very yin and yang, which I think is why we work so well.  We seem to compliment each others strengths and supplement each others weaknesses.  I am really good about money in the moment and immediate future.  I find deals, know when to stock up, know how to be frugal and really make things seem like I am not living on a pittance.  He is good about long term investments.  Together that makes for a pretty comfortable financial situation.  He's organized, but not koo-koo like I am; yet he is less cluttered than I - so we balance each other out there as well.  Emotionally as well, we see things that the other may not.  It just works.

Balance is super important in a relationship.  I have been in one sided relationships when I was younger and they are not fun.  They leave you drained and unhappy. I like to be giving, but when it goes reciprocated it becomes a problem.  I am super grateful that I have someone that I can be completely myself with, someone that I can give as much as I want to because I know I will get it back in return.  When you are both in the habit of giving, you are both fulfilled, you know?  Everyone wins.

Women are often taught to give too much of the themselves.  We are taught to deplete ourselves in order to be a good wife, mother, sister, friend, lover, worker (I have done that one way too often).   If you deplete yourself to death, somehow that makes you a good person. 

I am no martyr.

I can sum it up like this: first you put on your oxygen mask, then you assist anyone that needs assistance.

Why do they say this on an airplane?  Because people forget that if you are not healthy yourself, if you are not safe or satiated or breathing - you cannot actually help anyone around you.  You are not a help or comfort to anyone when you are not okay yourself.  You are not actually a strong woman if you are not taking care of yourself.  If you are not taking care of yourself, you do not have enough to actually give.  You are simply running on fumes.  You are going to kill the engine.

Being strong does not mean being a sacrificial lamb.  Being strong means you can handle your shit and also accept from others.  Being strong means that you have enough for yourself and so can spread the wealth.

I was determined to find someone that I could have balance with.  I wanted to be able to give of myself freely to someone that deserved it.  Someone I could grow with, nurture and be nurtured by.  I would not stand for less that equal give and take.  I know, I know, I am being sappy.  But honestly, I have waited patiently for a really long time to be with the right person.

Worth the wait.

Spice of Life

Here's how I know I am on the mend:

My cat wants to be near me.  That little puss in boots did not want to be around me at all for the last several days.  You know you look brutal when your own pet doesn't want you.  He was snuggling with me last night and this morning.

Did I mention that the little booger was hiding in my closet and ate the fringe off of my wrap?  Yeah, I've been finding black yarn hairballs all over and oddly shaped poop in his box all week.  It's been a real pleasure.  That turd.  he is cute as hell though.

The antibiotics are kicking in and I am even breathing sometimes.  Hooray!  At least my face doesn't hurt anymore.  Seriously, is that all necessary?  It's bad enough you're sick, but you have to be in pain as well?

I kind of get it though.  It's a bit like what we are doing to the planet.  The virus is just trying to survive, it isn't really conscious that it is harming me.

Yeah, that's a single cell fucking virus with no rational thought though.  Humans should know better.

Oh my Zeus!  It's like the damn Matrix.  Hmmm...they were on to something.

I am limitedly environmentally friendly.  I do recycle, but that's only because there is a bin where my dumpster is.  That equals easy.  I also reuse things as best I can.

I am a container whore.  I love containers.  LOVE them.  I prefer to transfer boxed or bagged dry items into canisters in the cupboard.  I have a Tuperware set that I love. It helps me stay organized and I like the way it looks.

Anyway,  I have discovered a fabulous little container for spices:  Crystal Light containers.  I drink alot of Crystal Light.  One of my favorites is Pomegranate Cherry.  One of my girlfriends and I were discussing how we could not find it anywhere anymore and were debating on whether or not it was discontinued.  My sweetheart of a man, hearing this, calls me the next week from Target and calls me to confirm the flavor.  He seriously bought 14 of them.  I cannot even deal with him sometimes.  What a fucking lamb.  But he's a total manly man as well.  He's so perfect for me.

Segway again!  Sorry.  My point was that I buy some spices in bulk.  Interpret that as sometimes I buy them in bulk, other times my mom purchases industrial sized containers and gives me baggies of yummy spices like cumin and Spanish paprika.  In general though, it is way less expensive to buy them in bulk packages.  I think I paid like $1.59 for a bag of oregano that has lasted me a year.  And I put oregano in everything.  It's stronger than the McCormick type stuff.  Not that anything is wrong with those, the bagged stuff just seems more fresh somehow. The Crystal Light containers are perfect and fit in my spice bin, because of course I have a little basket for spices in the cupboard.  Some other things I have used them for: jelly beans, popcorn kernels, hard candy, rice. They are super slim and hold a nice amount.

Yeah, don't think for a minute that I did not go buck with ideas to organize my man's pantry full of spices.  Did I mention that he loves to cook?  Yeah, he has more stuff than I do.  We are always in the kitchen.  It's such a good thing for us to do together.  It makes even cleaning up (which I loathe) pleasant.  I love that it's something he enjoys doing.

I think I could actually grow resentful of someone who did not do that with me.  Honestly.  It would eventually really get to me to be in the kitchen alone all the time cooking and cleaning.  I don't know how my mom does it.  My dad is helpful in the sense that he really does take care of the house and he is usually doing things to make it comfortable for them or repairing things.  Stuff like that.  But he does not necessarily even hang out with my mom when she is doing dishes.  I love that if one of us is doing them, the other is there also, even if it's just chatting.  Such a little thing it seems, but so important.

Be good to each other.

Smooches!

I'm a Karate Man

Despite having a total bullshit cold, I had a pretty cool couple of weeks.  My sweetheart came to visit for like 10 days, which is a big deal, apparently.  My friends were all "how did it go?" when he left.  It did not even occur to me that we would have deal breaking time; but I suppose spending that much time, 24/7 is a huge indicator of what's to come.  Other than both of us getting sick, it was awesome.

I did realize though that I am super crabby when I am sick.  I usually hide, like a wild animal.  Because "I'm a karate man.  Karate man bruise on the inside; don't show no weaknesses"  (I know Smarty and Mac will get the movie)  That does seem to be my philosophy though.  My dad is a bit stoic, I must get it from him.  Though I have the uber sensitivity of mom.  Awesome - I got all the leftover genes.  Anyway,  I completely hermit out when I am sick.  I usually have no one around me and I whine and crap while I take care of myself.  Not whine that I am alone; whine about how much snot is coming out of my head.  Where does it come from, my god?  Do I have a tap into some spring or something?!  So it was interesting having him there with me.  I found myself mood swinging, like a damn alcoholic.    Come here to me...go away...no wait come here...ugh leave.  That was going on in my head anyway.  As soon as I felt better, which was of course the day he was leaving; I was like I cannot believe that I thought for a second I did not want him around.  And it totally sucked to have him leave. Though I am seeing him again in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I think that having a cold is a bit of a hurdle in a relationship.  We got to be around each other when we were ill and survived.  Luckily I did not get too ugly while he was here.  I get real ugly when I have a cold, so he has that to look forward to.  Child, I am not pretty when I get really bad sinus issues.  Man, that is some heinous bullshit that happens to my face.

I have been slacking on the home front though and actually need to clean my place up.  One of my closest friends from college is coming to visit this weekend.  I am super stoked.  We met on the first day of school.  I sat next to her in Communications and did not have my book yet.  She offered to share and we hung out like every day after.  Love her.  She lives in San Diego.  Last time I saw her was in 2004 I think.  Booo.  We often do not talk for months, maybe even a year; but as soon as we speak to each other, it just feels like home.  Soul sisters, I guess.  Cannot wait to see her.

Fatally Cool had a show last night.  We decided to improve some stuff in there, just to change things up.  We usually have a very specific set list because it's a performance art piece and has a story line.  A bit like a musical, really.  But after we performed at bigger nightclub, we decided that we need to be more rock band.  It was a fun show.  I was struggling a bit, but held my own I think.  My band mate Manny & I decided to throw in "Rid of Me" by PJ Harvey.  A song I have only recently discovered, despite it being from the 90's.  We had never ever done it together - at all.  We kind of sang it in the corner together quietly right before the show, but that was it.  It was well received though - so yay for us.  In honor of St. Patty's Day, we all also did a completely improvised mash up The Cranberries "Zombie" and U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday".  I think I am brilliant for thinking that up (which I had before, it was something we were going to work on, but did not have time to do), to be honest.  I mean, they are two major war/conflict songs.  Not really happy drunk Irish crap at all.  It was fun though.  I fucked up some parts, but whatever.  i was a snare tone deaf last night.

Hope all of you beautiful people are well and have a glorious weekend!

Meet the Big Fat Greek Parents

Huge step for me in my relationship.

He met the family.
And when I say family, I mean everyone (except one brother and niece that were working).  Lord have mercy, they did not scare him away.

Originally, I asked my mom if he and I could just come over.  She wanted to invited everyone.   I protested.  We we on the phone and  my sister and her two kids, and my daddy were at her house in the background.  we had to repeat ourselves several times.  I was all "there are five of you there and we cannot hear each other - that's why I do not want everybody." She got it after that.

Yeah, we are loud.

The night before we are going to visit them, I check in with her.  She's like "I made dolma (which I requested), a lasagna, and pita."  So enough food for like 20 people basically.  I was like "For the four of us?!  you might as well have everyone over.  We'll come early so you can meet him before the chaos".  I had already talked to my brother and sister in law (not his wife, the other one) and we were going to meet them later anyway.

We get there and seriously...enough food for like 40 people.  She made all sorts of stuff.  It was insane.  Not to mention that we got to take like 2.5 bags of leftovers home.  And I mean grocery bags.  Seriously.

And then she complains that I am chubby.  Come on!

Ultimately, it was important to me that my daddy liked him.  Dad has incredible sense, as do I; but you know - sometimes one can be blinded by emotions, so I really wanted to see if he sniffed anything.  Moms is simply paranoid in general.  Probably because all she sees about internet dating is "To Catch a Predator" or some shit that ends in murder on Nightline.

She's all "What if he's just pretending to be good?  What if he's not?  Some people do that."  My dad just made that kind of mafia frowny thinking face as was like "I don't think so.  I don't believe he's like that."

Done and done.  That was all I needed from him.  Not that there was question, but I could tell that he liked the guy.  He trusts my judgment anyway, but it was good to hear him back me up.  She was being crazy and he was responding "so what if he is (blank) as long as he's a good man, that's all that matters."  to whatever she said.

All in all, it went well.  He was indeed bombarded by 18 loud ass family members and handled it like a champ.

When It's Time to Change

I have decided to make this my new blog home.  I have been writing on another site riddled with drama and adults acting like 13 year old girls.  Over it.

But let's not make this a negative post, as I may perhaps get some new readers.  I am cantankerous at times; but at heart a pollyanna.

I am currently undergoing some serious changes in my life.  I have been out of work (thank you economy) for over a year and am finally seeing some viable options.  Not necessarily in my field, but things that are a good fit.  Fingers crossed.

I have also met the love of my life.  Some of you that may know me from elsewhere may be surprised to hear me say it.  I was not expecting to find him where I did, but it happened.  Can I get all girly and tell you?

I actually found his blog on a dating site.  I was simply drawn to him.  He was intelligent - a huge turn on for me. - and there was just something about him.   Then I saw that he lived in California.  What?!  Annoying.  But then he came to my blog and we exchanged comments, pretty innocuous in nature.  He decided to totally man up and email me.   He mentioned something like "I am not sure if you are feeling this too"  I was like "yup, sure am"  And a romance was born.

We see each other every two weeks and talk on the phone every night for hours.  I never wanted a long distance relationship and it is difficult at times.  Being faithful - that's the easy part.  I don't want to be with anyone else.  It's just hard not to physically be together.  Yes, this Chicago girl may be moving out to Cali.  He is everything that I have wanted in a partner.  It's quite amazing.

Mush, I know.  But it is what is going on in my world.