The Balancing Act
We're Not Lost - Official Band Website
Sometimes I take my computer to bed with me. I have trouble sleeping and if I am going to channel surf for something to watch on my favorite website ever, Hulu, take it with me as opposed to leaving it on my dresser with a movie playing or something.
Last night after a nice long call on Skype with my man, I decided to check some email, blogs, etc; then watch something and go to sleep. Do you guys use Skype by the way? It's awesome. Fifteen years ago my parents paid like $20 to talk for a few minutes to relatives in Greece. Now I can call them and actually SEE them and it's all part of my internet service. I can't exactly say "free" because you pay for an internet connection right? But basically, it feels like it's free. And who doesn't like free?!
So this little nugget comes to snuggle up with me and the computer. I have my laptop on the bed and I am sitting up. He cozies in between my leg and the laptop. I find this funny blog and am enjoying it. Suddenly, stuff looks weird and the screen flickers.
Get your paws off the keyboard!
Ugh. I go to "follow" that blog and the print in the window is monstrous. I cannot scroll down in it either, so I cannot choose to follow any blogs right now. Annoying.
The blogs themselves look normal, but my dashboard, the page that I am on now typing this, comments - basically any additional window is humungaloid.
I am thoroughly annoyed.
That little critter totally changed my setting somehow. Do you think I can figure it out? Of course not. I am a bit challenged in that department. Lucky for me, the boyfriend knows or can figure out how to do anything. So he is obviously going to be checking that out this weekend. Fyi, sugar, my comp is being funky. Thanks!!
We are very yin and yang, which I think is why we work so well. We seem to compliment each others strengths and supplement each others weaknesses. I am really good about money in the moment and immediate future. I find deals, know when to stock up, know how to be frugal and really make things seem like I am not living on a pittance. He is good about long term investments. Together that makes for a pretty comfortable financial situation. He's organized, but not koo-koo like I am; yet he is less cluttered than I - so we balance each other out there as well. Emotionally as well, we see things that the other may not. It just works.
Balance is super important in a relationship. I have been in one sided relationships when I was younger and they are not fun. They leave you drained and unhappy. I like to be giving, but when it goes reciprocated it becomes a problem. I am super grateful that I have someone that I can be completely myself with, someone that I can give as much as I want to because I know I will get it back in return. When you are both in the habit of giving, you are both fulfilled, you know? Everyone wins.
Women are often taught to give too much of the themselves. We are taught to deplete ourselves in order to be a good wife, mother, sister, friend, lover, worker (I have done that one way too often). If you deplete yourself to death, somehow that makes you a good person.
I am no martyr.
I can sum it up like this: first you put on your oxygen mask, then you assist anyone that needs assistance.
Why do they say this on an airplane? Because people forget that if you are not healthy yourself, if you are not safe or satiated or breathing - you cannot actually help anyone around you. You are not a help or comfort to anyone when you are not okay yourself. You are not actually a strong woman if you are not taking care of yourself. If you are not taking care of yourself, you do not have enough to actually give. You are simply running on fumes. You are going to kill the engine.
Being strong does not mean being a sacrificial lamb. Being strong means you can handle your shit and also accept from others. Being strong means that you have enough for yourself and so can spread the wealth.
I was determined to find someone that I could have balance with. I wanted to be able to give of myself freely to someone that deserved it. Someone I could grow with, nurture and be nurtured by. I would not stand for less that equal give and take. I know, I know, I am being sappy. But honestly, I have waited patiently for a really long time to be with the right person.
Worth the wait.
If your screen is really big..look down in the bottom right hand corner, you should see a magnifying glass with a percentage amount. You can either hit CTRL and the minus key to reduce your screen size, or use the drop down menu at the bottom left to reduce your screen back to 100%. Easy fix.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found someone that balances you out. R and I banged heads for a little bit when we first got together, but we have balanced out ourselves. Plus, we have discovered we each have different ways of dealing with things, and given whichever person is 'better qualified' to deal with a situation, ie, money, talking to someone, etc., the other steps back (in agreement mind you) so the 'stronger of the two deals with the situation. I do the everyday housework for example, but he will do it when I am tired or he has a day off, but when the oven needs to be cleaned to a shiny sheen, I will give it a once over with the oven cleaner....and he scrubs out the difficult spots afterwards while I'm off doing something else. Sharing housework (which was always a big beef with me being the only one doing it all the time) makes both our lives much easier and happier cause we are spending time doing things together, yet we have our own time to ourselves and urge each other to 'get out of the house' quite often. He goes off for a day or weekend to a friend's farm, while I have girls nights, etc. If we don't look after ourselves first, you are right.....what good are we to others?!
I was just saying to Bubbles this morning that LU blocked me and EN unblocked me, so now all is balanced in my world :D
ReplyDeleteAs for you and that adorable man of yours, I'm beyond happy that you compliment each other so well. Not sure about you, but I often shake my head on Skype and in person with my guy. Wondering how I got so lucky.
At least your little guy didn't destroy anything. My striped girl cat knocked a lamp off my nightstand last week for about the seventh time. It landed just so, and broke. It was kind of an ugly lamp, so I wasn't sad to see it go, but still. It wasn't as bad as the time she ruined one of my suits, though. She's lucky she's cute. Crazy turkey.
ReplyDeleteMy way of shopping for groceries is kind of haphazard. Basically, I either make a shopping list, to which I adhere strictly, or I do what I did today, which is to walk through the aisles, randomly tossing items into the cart as I realize (rationalize?) I need them. I never even look at the sale prices.
I am better at the long term financial planning, probably because it's all on paper and in my head, with no delicious cookies or potato chips to break my resolve.
I never thought I would find anyone with whom I could completely share. I'm not sure if balance is always so intuitive. I like it, in any case. I don't feel inclined to keep track of how much I'm giving vs. taking. It just feels natural and right. It seems so simple. Maybe it is. I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, that's for sure.
@ Maxi - I actually figured it out! I needed to go to the view page when the dashboard was open. I was not doing it at the right time and resetting it...because I am clearly a genius.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you two share the load. Mac & I do as well and it makes life so much better.
@ Smarty - Well of course, because those two are the center of the universe. Actually neither did anything to me. I just think it hilarious that they are kinda the center of everything, regardless of intentions.
I am glad you are happy as well, my friend.
@ Mac - Why did you go buy chips? Ugh. I will eat them all.
I know neither of us keeps track. That's because we are balanced enough that neither feels depleted. Good stuff, my sweet.
Sale prices is why I need to go shopping with you, by the way.
I didn't buy too many chips (not the family sized bag). Sadly, I have an unfortunate weakness for new Doritos flavors (Wee, Tapatio!).
ReplyDeleteIt feels weird to even consider things being one-sided. It doesn't occur to me, which is wonderful. I don't ever feel depleted. Tired from lack of sleep once in a while, but never depleted.
I love when we shop. Could we be any more spazzy? The clerks must love us. :)
My critters are all currently not speaking to me, because they got baths on the weekend. It's hard being me some days.
ReplyDeleteI think it's really interesting that sacrifice is considered integral to femininity (at least, stereotypically - because how can you have compassion without sacrifice?). So many of my (female) friends will apologize when they need to put themselves first, as thought it's wrong - but I've come to the realization, much like you said, that I need to be well to be able to help anyone else.
@Mac - We are super spazzes when we shop. Like which jam to buy is a life altering choice or something. Whatever, we're fucking cute.
ReplyDelete@la nom - he does not like a bath either. I used to give him baths when I was a smoker. I felt guilty that he was grooming himself and had all that nicotine and crap on him.
It is all a power play. If you are sacrificing, you become weaker, simply by giving too much of yourself. I feel that society still holds women back, despite suffrage and woman's lib. I think it's ridiculous that some women feel they have to do EVERYTHING. And then of course they end up resenting partners that do not help them. Understandable. It sucks to have to do it all, yet be in a partnership. In any relationship, really. Making choices that benefit everyone takes some skill.
I've not a lot to say but thought I would leave a comment just to let you know 'I woz ear'.
ReplyDeleteI've been looking for you on chat but to no avail
Hey Celect! Glad you were here for sure!! I do hope you decide yo play on blogspot. I have not been on the chatty chat at all lately. Hope you are well!
ReplyDeleteRelationships are work in an of themselves and a lot of people are not willing to work at them. I think Eddie murphy put it best when he said find someone just as fucked up as you are and get married LOL well you dont have to but at least find someone who is willing to give as well as take all of your idiosyncrasies with a smile good post enjoyed the read.
ReplyDelete@ Raw - thank you for visiting & reading! You are right on, as is Eddie Murphy. And he is brilliant. We just watched Delirious again.
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