Some Like It Hot

In the last two days I have proven my tenacity, toughness, and perhaps stupidity.  Well not stupid - just very stubborn.

I have always said that people that can handle living in Chicago can handle any environment. 
We have some crazy ass weather here.  Today for example, 92 degrees - feels like 102 degrees.

Oh you didn't know that in Chicago, we get TWO temperatures?  Oh, we do, as in the thermostat will read 80 and it will be so damn humid out that it actually feels like 88.    Or in winter, we have a wind chill factor.  So like it may be 18, but will feel like -1.  Yeah, negative.  And negative 1 is not as brutal as it gets.  I am not complaining.  I am just telling it like it is.

We are in a heat wave right now and, son of a bitch - my central air went out on Sunday night.  I was talking to the fiance and was like "I am hot as hell and the air has been running non-stop.  Shit!  It's 80 degrees in here!"

Today it hit 88...in my apartment.  Right now it's a breezy 87.  I am not shitting you.  It was so hot that a spider was hanging out in my toilet.  I have seen spiders maybe twice in the last 7 years.  That bitch was hot.  I flushed him so I could take a dump.

I have stayed in this whole time.  Why?  Because I could not stand the thought of leaving my cat.  I was so worried that he may get heat stroke or something and I would not be here to take care of him. He actually seems fine, but I would not have been able to relax.  I would have been stressing out about him.

Anyway, my point is, I am surviving.  It's amazing that I could feel it drop down to 87 after it had been running for a bit,  I was like - huh, it's cooler in here.  I have been cranky as hell, but you know, toughing it out.

Just another sign that it is time to move.

When Mac first mentioned how hot it gets in summer out there I was like - eeek.  But it's dry.  You can walk out without sweating immediately.  It makes a huge difference.  So, dry 100 degrees in summer and a balmy 25 degrees in winter?  Yeah...cake walk.

Have you all seen "Some Like It Hot?  One of the best movies ever with one of - if not the best last line.  I am not kidding.  I try to post a scene, but blogger is not having it today.  All I can say is do yourself a favor and rent that mother.

Best Summer Ever

Sometimes you just have to make lemonade.  Feel me?

Thanks to all the capitalist pigs lining their pockets and killing out economy (opinion much?); I, along with many, have been "employment challenged".  Three of my best girlfriends were in the same boat.  Jane was the first and did not have a job for 18 months.  Then Sally, unemployed for 2 years, who just got a job on the west coast near her sister.  Me - almost two years. And Pam, who got the bad news in October.

Not sure why I described all that.  I guess to make a point of how awful the market is.  Here you have 4 bright, educated, dependable, hard working women that got the shaft.

I just have sour grapes because I know people that do my job or similar that are incompetent asses - yet still have a job.

Speaking of...oh my baby Jesus.  I ran into these two people yesterday from a hotel that I filled in at for a couple months before the lay off.  It was also owned by my management company.  They lost a manager and an executive, (the manager had gone to another hotel and the executive had gotten canned)  so I was sent there to help out.

The place was crazy.  The boss has surveillance camera screens all over one wall of his office.  he knew when you came in, when you went to the bathroom....everything.  And apparently had feeds at home.  The team that I was helping out with was insane.  Two of the batshit craziest women I have ever dealt with.  One was a total bitch with attitude and the other had crazy eyes and did nto wash her hands after going to the bathroom.

I was walking by the manager's new hotel and he was outside with the crazy eyes women.  I stopped to say hi and was all "Aren't you glad you are out of there?  Must be nice to not be spied on 24/7"  To the manager guy I was all "Sorry, I know you worked there too.  That place was crazy"  She asks me how long I was there and I was like "about 6 weeks"  She was like "I thought it was longer".  some other stuff that they looked confused about. yadda yadda.

When I walk away I realize.  The woman was not the crazy girl...she was the general Manager from the hotel that was next to the hotel I actually worked at.  I had talked to her on smoke breaks and stuff.  No wonder they looked at me like I was insane.  She and the other woman were both blondes, under 5 ft and had similar body types.

I felt like an idiot and wanted to go back.  Then I thought...what a funnier story for them.  Let them be confused.  Maybe they will think the did not know me at all.   Maybe they will just think I am koo-koo clocks.   I also thought it would be funny to start doing that on purpose.  Walk up to people as though I know them, start a convo, and walk away leaving them scratching their heads.  Performance art!

Anyway,  I am at the beginning of my rainbow tour.  Saying good bye to people that I will likely never see again.  My inner circle, I am not worried about.  The people that are not priorities, but I love to bits; I need to see them to say "smell ya" to because I will probably not get to see them on visits.  I met up with a once potential client turned friend yesterday.  It was nice.

I am also having a final performance / going away party on September 1.  Hopefully I will get to catch everyone.  If not - well...smell ya.

Back to best summer ever.  Because I have plans and know where I am going, I am able to actually enjoy the summer a bit.  Of course becoming engaged is top of the list of reasons.   But I am now able to breathe, execute my plans, and also enjoy my days here.  I need a direction to feel secure.

Pam and I have a routine now.  Morning: job search.  Afternoon: pool.  Evening: trash TV.

Come on.  What's not to love?  So I am having to eat through some savings. I have to make the best of it, right?  The situation happened for a reason, might as well just do what I can to enjoy.  I am sure I will get a great job once I move out there.  Again - there's a reason I did not find anything out here; and it certainly was not for lack of trying.  I am simply overqualified for what is available to me or what I can do outside of my field.  I do not blame them for questioning my intent.  They know I will jump ship the first chance I get.  And in my industry...they have expressed concerns that I have been out of the market for too long, plus am worth more than they want to pay.  Just how the cookie has been crumbling.  Changing location will also help me change careers.  Or maybe I will find a position in my field available out there.  Anything can happen.

But for now, I am spending time with my awesome girl friend and  I actually have tan lines.  Tan lines!  I have sullied my porcelain skin.  I have to say though: I look alot healthier.  I sometimes look too pale, especially with the low iron and crap; I look sick sometimes.  And do not think that I do not SPF 40 myself from head to two either, because I sure do.

And of course I am excited about getting married to the man.  He's awesome and we are going to have a great life together.  Rainbows and unicorns people!

Shut up.

p.s. I solemnly swear that I will not turn into bridezilla.

Insomnia Can Kiss My Grits

I have a long time battle with insomnia.  Seriously, it's all hundred years war in my world.  Now I know how Joan of Arc felt.

I was up all night on Wednesday.  I figured that I would get a little sleep during the day, since I was planning on hanging out at my friend's pool yesterday.  Nope.  The weather was chillsville.  We hung out, but could not go in the water.  There was some Artic bullshit coming in across the Lake that was causing a scene.

Whoa is me.  My life is so hard...I couldn't go swimming.

Anyway, we went out for some din din in the evening and decided to take a little cruise up to Evanston.   We are super hungers at this point and are not thinking clearly.  We find a spot to park and decide to take a stroll to find a place to eat, since the restaurant we thought looked cute actually wasn't.  After several blocks, we see a cupcake place.  Twenty feet away is a little Mediterranean joint.  She's all "Let's just got here - plus, it's close to the cupcake shop".  Good ol' T.  I can always count on her to want to be naughty with the food.

Umm..by "naughty" I mean wanting to eat something decadent - not being pervy.

Anyway,  in comes a huge ass storm.  Fireworks, I tell you, that culminates in torrential rain when we are wanting to leave the restaurant.

We take a deep breath, I take my sandals off (ever try running or walking in the rain with heeled sandals?  Not a pretty site.), and dive in.  Yipes!  It's like taking a cold power shower.  After a minute or two, I am like "I cannot possible become more drenched."

We make it to the car and seriously need to put through one of these:

I remember my mom having one of these.  Well not like this one; but a washing machine with a wringer.  It was in the first house I lived in, though we also had a normal one.  I know she had previously used it though. What a freaking pain in the butt.  We are so lucky now.  Can you imagine how cumbersome laundry was to do?  We can at least dump it in the machine and walk away from it now.

We did not have one of these, so simply had to sit our soaked asses in the car and drive home.  Don't think for a minute that we did not stop at Baskin Robins drive through (thru?) and get some ice cream though.  Ladies still want their dessert, even when they look like drowning kittens.

I absolutely crash out after the adventure.  I zonk out on the couch only to wait up, pert as a morning lark, at 3 am.  Come on, dude.  Give me a break.

Ah. Nell...the world seriously could use some Nell right now.  I know I could.  Is Gimme a Break on Hulu?  I need to check that out.

Peach Cobbler With Pecans on Top

"Ugly babies is hard to find...but they out there"
~Adele Givens

If you do not know who Adele Givens is, do yourself and everyone you love a favor and look the woman up and watch some of her stand up.  You're welcome.

Okay, here's some for you:

This morning I had to deal with a sight that simply should not be.  Lord have mercy.  On my way to an interview (which went well, by the by), I am sitting on the bus.  After a few stops a lady & stroller hop on board.  They are both facing me.

Seriously, I wanted to drop kick this kid.  He not only had a snotty face, he was a freaking whiner.  I am talking Doug & Wendy here.  I mean this kid was just malcontent with his existence.  Period.  Miserable brat.  It was difficult to watch.  I am certain that my face was contorted in disdain.  I tried not to, but the face has a will of it's own sometimes.

I know I complain a bunch, but I am not unhappy with my life.  When people simply loathe to breathe, I cannot deal.  And I do not mean people with genuine mental disorders that cause depression or despair, that is a serious condition.  I mean otherwise healthy people just being discontent for no reason.

I am allowed to bitch about crap because I am fabulous.

So fabulous, in fact, that a begging vagabond fell completely in love with me today.  He was killing me.  First he called to me from across the street and then called me his wife.  He comes and sits by me at the bus stop and was all "you put a spell on me.  What did you get for dinner?  I will go get something and you can cook it for me."

I was all "I'm taken"

"I don't mean no disrespect (which they always love to say that shit - and by they I mean men that do this crap in general).  But ain't nobody gonna tell me how I can feel about you."  He says something about dinner.

I tell him I cannot cook and he looks at me and is like "Quit lying.  I know you can put your foot down in the kitchen."  Ummmm...thanks for calling me a fat ass.

More babble.  I mostly gave one word answers, but was nice enough.  Apparently, I made his day because I was kind.

He closes with "You are peach cobbler with pecans on top"  Awesome.

Ah, life in the Windy City.

p.s. I noticed that I lost some comments the other day before I was able to respond.  Please know I did not delete them.

That Darn Cat

I have never seen that movie.  I hear it's a Disney classic though.  Of course they had to fart it up with a modern version.  I guess Christina Ricci was in it, but it did not feature her being chained to a radiator so no one saw it.  I admit I saw Black Snake Moan, but I had received it through Neflix and it sat at my house for like two months before I did.

Why the Hollywood machine insists on  making remakes, I will never understand.  If they were any sort of smart, they would simply re-release the originals at the theaters.  They are already made and the royalties would be alot less than paying new non talent hacks. Just saying.

I had a horrifying experience the other day.  Of course, I am going to share with you because you deserve to hear it.

I made a nice little dinner for myself on Sunday.  My dining table  is conveniently arranged for easy access to the kitchen and well as having a perfect view of the TV.  That's actually insignificant.

Anyway,   I look into the room that the cat had been in & where his box is.  I notice something on the floor.  I go in inspect.

My cat's ass apparently exploded!  There was feliniarrhea everywhere.  It was gruesome.  I compose myself and start to clean up and realize...this is smeared....paws have been in this.  Yipes.

I have to hunt him down and give him a bath pronto.  He did not put up much of a fight.  Luckily, there was no collateral damage to the rest of the house.  But he did have some yuckiness on his tail.  He protested a snare, but let me bathe him.  I know I have mentioned before that he is a really good cat.  He is currently sitting on my shoulder and still smells like baby shampoo.  Precious.

So I am in a panic.  Do I take him to the hospital?  I call the boyfriend and leave a message.  I decide to call his vet and leave a message to go see her on Monday.  Meanwhile, one of my girlfriends calls and Mac calls me back.  Total chaos.  As I talked to my friend though, I realized that, while he did have the booty flu, what caused the mess is that it got on his tail.  Poor lamb.

Don't worry - I bleached the crap out of everything.  No pun intended.

Look how ridiculously cute he is.

He's better now, in case you're wondering.  He still has a little bit of the booty flu, but it's not like uber liquid.  More like a mini cow flop.  Awesome.

Smooches!

I Am Gonna Blow It Up With My Spicyness

Something California does not have is giardiniera.   It's apparently a Chicago thing and frankly, something I cannot live without.  If it is not a common thing in your region, do not be fooled by the vinegar soaked spicy pickled salad they pass off as giardiniera.  Not that that stuff is bad.  It's a good relish; it's just not the same thing.

Every time we go shopping out there, I look for it.  They simply do not have it.  It is a sin.  A sin, I tell you.  I decided to take some with me, like a pack mule.  But I made a huge mistake.

I usually check my bag.  Just because I am paranoid and also because I throw things in my suitcase at the last minute.  I do not want to worry about it.  I also am all of 5'1", which makes the task of using the overhead bin a challenge.  I know I can ask for help, but I just do not want to deal.  Check it and forget about it.

I was taking a bunch of toiletries to leave out there, so I would just have everything I need out there.  No need to carry all that stuff every single time, you know?  I know I need perfume, makeup and deodorant, conditioner - just leave it there.

My bag was a tad heavy.  It was 52 lbs.  The person at check-in asks if I can take something out.  In my haste, I think "the giardenera is exactly 2 lbs."  She tells me that food items are fine.  So I take it out.

As I am in the security line, I think that maybe that was a bad call.  It is after all packed in oil.  And I clearly am going to endanger everyone on the plane with my chopped celery, carrots, peppers, and cauliflower.  Especially since I honestly can barely keep my eyes open when flying.  I sleep like a baby Stella.

Those TSA mother fuckers snagged my food.  For real.  They took it.  And I do not mean the confiscated it and tossed it.  They TOOK it.  I was like "ok, I'll throw it out" and they said that they had to scan again.  They went through my bag, removed it.  Told me they had to rescan all of it, but did not rescan the jars.  They sat neatly on the top of the machine.  Wrapped in the towel and Ziploc bag.

Tell me that the agents did not have some yummy sandwiches that night.  I swear.

Am I really a threat?  Good lord.

Then some jamoke says to me " you know you can mail that stuff right?"

I was all "really?  you can mail things?"  What a chump!  Yeah, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend since they don't have it out there, you dumb moose knuckle.

Though I have yet to be groped in security.  So hooray for that.  I was super paranoid about that happening.

Here's some straight edge punk rock for you.

Where's Gojira When You Need Him?

image by Tankor89

What's up with Americans changing Gojira to Godzilla anyway?  I mean they are both made up names.  It makes zero sense to me.

Arty is not a fan of moths.  They kind of freak me out a little.  First off, anything with more that four appendages (five if you include a tail) wigs me.  I'm ain't playing.  I mean, crustaceans?  Exoskeletons?!!  Why do you think every scary space thriller or even on earth scary movie has a monster that pretty much is a giant bug?  Because exoskeletons are a fucking weird ass thing.

Secondly, I have super curly hair.  You know what happens when a moth decides to fly into it?  The get trapped and you are stuck hearing flapping of wings in you ear until you shake it out, though usually you end up inadvertently killing the thing.  And least that's how I roll.  That flapping...it sounds likes Hannibal Lecter whispering sweet nothings into your ear and is about as pleasant.  Granted, a moth is not thinking of snacking on you with a bottle of Chianti, but it's still an uncomfortable sound.

So, I am in the bathroom, minding my own business when in flies a nice sized moth. It's kind of pale yellow and almost pretty.  Right behind it is my little hunter.  Roche' (row - shay) loves when a flying insect gets in the house.  frankly, I do not need a fly swatter.  Generally they get in when I leave the back door open, like if I am grilling, or even just hanging out there.  I leave it open so Roche' can come out and get some air, but only when I am out there.  I once saw him take down 3 flies in like 10 minutes.  He looked like a mini-panther.  It was awesome.

Anyway, I managed to let this on get out of the bathroom window.  The cat it totally bummed.  He wanted to catch that thing.  I still cannot figure out how it got in though!  The bathroom is the brightest room on that side f the place.  There are no curtains on the window, though you cannot see in or out, and at night, the porch light is right in front so I rarely need to even turnon th light in there. Except when it's make up time.  Come on now.

One night a couple of years ago Roche' was going nuts.  Like a madman.  Madcat.  Whatever.  I follow him into the bathroom.  I look up at the window and shriek in horror. And don't think for a minute I do not mean actual horror movie shriek.

Mothra is in my house.  Seriously, it's wingspan was at least 4 inches.

I do not think I got Mothra out alive.  I was too freaked out to care.  But in hunting to figure out how the beast got in, I realized that I had left the top of the window open.  I had cleaned the windows like two weeks before, maybe even more.  When I did, I apparently did not put the window back up to the top.  It was kinda hidden bu the curtains, so I didn't notice.

Whatever.  Keep your windows closed and cats or pet of choice near.  Those moths are coming to get us.

image by Tankor89