I started to write a response to my lovely friend lovelyleo2's comment in my last post; but decided that some things should just be shared. Let's talk moms for a minute.
You know the mom in Everybody Loves Raymond? Combine her with Edith Bunker and add a little Cinderella's Step Mother (though she birthed me).
Welcome to my world. Luckily, I inherited my daddy's sense of humor and logic. Whew.
I do not have a bad relationship with her, but there is a huge cultural gap, I do not really discuss anything in my life with her. She still does not understand that I do not work at the front desk at a hotel (because of course I should be able to meet a man there). "No, mom...I have an office...I do not work at the front desk. I do not check people in." I have told her this no less than 100 times. Clueless.
She has been on me to get married since I was a fetus. I can't even deal with it. Remember that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, when she asks her mom why she has to go to Greek School? Her mom says - so that you can write to your mother in law. Yeah. that was said to me when I was 4. Seriously. Four.
My response was "Well you married an Italian. Why do I have to marry a Greek?" Again...4.
I thought my dad was Italian because he ate so much pasta.
Precious.
I went to prom my sophomore year, with a very obviously gay guy mind you. A girlfriend and I went with a couple of senior mo's. It was totally fun by the way. Anyway, my clueless mom, who had no idea of any sexual experimenting & make out sessions I had had with the Greek boys (because of course I could go out with them...what could happen?) is taking pictures of me...in a pink dress (gross)...before everyone else met up at our house.
She gets close to me, all serious and says kinda under her breath "don't let him touch you." while making a "you know where" face. That was the extend of her sex talk to me.
Then there was the Epilady incident. I was probably 25 at the time. Not living at home. Did any of you girls have one? It was this white oblong thingy and had a coil spring on one side. It was for hair removal. It hurt like a mother fucker. I used it once and in the bathroom it sat. Here it is:
We have a quad level, so you can see almost everything going on in the house, especially from the main level, where the kitchen, sorry, that the main kitchen is, because you know my dad had to build another one in the basement. None of the stairways are enclosed. The stairs going to the upper bedrooms is right by the kitchen table.
Where I am sitting....with my two big brothers, father, sisters in law, sister and brother in law. Maybe even a niece or nephew in the mix. I am sitting next to my sister.
Mom is standing on the stairs with the Epilady in her hand. Says to my sister (let's call her Kathy)
Mom: "Kathy, should I sell this in the garage sale?"
Kathy: "What is it? i don't even know what that is."
Mom: "Uh...should I sell it?"
Me: "No one will want to buy that. It's mine anyway. Just throw it out"
Mom - horrified: "No it's not yours! It's Kathy's! It can't be yours"
Me: "No, mom it's mine...what do you think that is?
She sheepishly starts to lower it towards her lady bits.
Kathy and I just burst! And then I was like "That's for your legs!! Why on earth would you think you could sell that if it was that?!"
I look at my sister. "Crazy bitch tried to call you out on a vibrator. In front of everybody. And tried to sell it. And freaked out at the thought of me having one....because I am not married. She's fucking insane."
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