Talk About Pulling Pork

Are you kidding me with this? What is this trying to achieve?  Do you think it's food porn? OMG IS THIS FOOD PORN?!!

Lord and baby Jesus - this is a wreck and I am loving it.  Though I am not sure that I can ever get this image out of my head.  It may be difficult to have a BLT without giggling.

I am sure it's tongue in cheek...at least I hope it is.  I just saw a challenge on MasterChef  where some dude cooked a dish with pork cheeks.  And I don't mean booty.  I had no idea that they even have a cut like that.  It apparently was awesome, according to the judges.

I have actually gotten into pulled pork sandwiches lately.  Not in a sexual way, pervs.  I had never had them and discovered that they are super delish.  Not sure why I avoided them for so long.

I am brilliant at avoiding things though.  Like avoiding doing the dishes.  Or maybe packing for my move.

Though we did set a wedding date.  I am getting shit done people.  I do not want to be all stressed out with a bunch of nonsense.  I am always stressed out over dumb stuff as it is.  I've booked the church and hall.  Done & done. I have a dress picked out, just need to see it live to be sure.  My sister is my main beyotch and have not decided on bride's maidens yet.  I am thinking I may just have my two closest gals.  But I kinda want my nieces as well.  Though I do not want 20 minutes of procession going on.  Snooze.

Yeah, I think just the girlfriends.

It's annoying.  I keep going "oh yeah - I need invitations" "Ugh. A DJ."  You know, crap like that.  Can't run off to Vegas though.   Orthodoxy does not recognize a marriage unless they conduct it.  I know...some of you may know me as a heathen.  But I do have a family, you know.  It's important to my parents.  See?  I am a good girl!

Go make yourselves some bacon wrapped dates or something.  Mmmm...bacon. Note that I am writing that with that picture up there out of my view.

Best Summer Ever

Sometimes you just have to make lemonade.  Feel me?

Thanks to all the capitalist pigs lining their pockets and killing out economy (opinion much?); I, along with many, have been "employment challenged".  Three of my best girlfriends were in the same boat.  Jane was the first and did not have a job for 18 months.  Then Sally, unemployed for 2 years, who just got a job on the west coast near her sister.  Me - almost two years. And Pam, who got the bad news in October.

Not sure why I described all that.  I guess to make a point of how awful the market is.  Here you have 4 bright, educated, dependable, hard working women that got the shaft.

I just have sour grapes because I know people that do my job or similar that are incompetent asses - yet still have a job.

Speaking of...oh my baby Jesus.  I ran into these two people yesterday from a hotel that I filled in at for a couple months before the lay off.  It was also owned by my management company.  They lost a manager and an executive, (the manager had gone to another hotel and the executive had gotten canned)  so I was sent there to help out.

The place was crazy.  The boss has surveillance camera screens all over one wall of his office.  he knew when you came in, when you went to the bathroom....everything.  And apparently had feeds at home.  The team that I was helping out with was insane.  Two of the batshit craziest women I have ever dealt with.  One was a total bitch with attitude and the other had crazy eyes and did nto wash her hands after going to the bathroom.

I was walking by the manager's new hotel and he was outside with the crazy eyes women.  I stopped to say hi and was all "Aren't you glad you are out of there?  Must be nice to not be spied on 24/7"  To the manager guy I was all "Sorry, I know you worked there too.  That place was crazy"  She asks me how long I was there and I was like "about 6 weeks"  She was like "I thought it was longer".  some other stuff that they looked confused about. yadda yadda.

When I walk away I realize.  The woman was not the crazy girl...she was the general Manager from the hotel that was next to the hotel I actually worked at.  I had talked to her on smoke breaks and stuff.  No wonder they looked at me like I was insane.  She and the other woman were both blondes, under 5 ft and had similar body types.

I felt like an idiot and wanted to go back.  Then I thought...what a funnier story for them.  Let them be confused.  Maybe they will think the did not know me at all.   Maybe they will just think I am koo-koo clocks.   I also thought it would be funny to start doing that on purpose.  Walk up to people as though I know them, start a convo, and walk away leaving them scratching their heads.  Performance art!

Anyway,  I am at the beginning of my rainbow tour.  Saying good bye to people that I will likely never see again.  My inner circle, I am not worried about.  The people that are not priorities, but I love to bits; I need to see them to say "smell ya" to because I will probably not get to see them on visits.  I met up with a once potential client turned friend yesterday.  It was nice.

I am also having a final performance / going away party on September 1.  Hopefully I will get to catch everyone.  If not - well...smell ya.

Back to best summer ever.  Because I have plans and know where I am going, I am able to actually enjoy the summer a bit.  Of course becoming engaged is top of the list of reasons.   But I am now able to breathe, execute my plans, and also enjoy my days here.  I need a direction to feel secure.

Pam and I have a routine now.  Morning: job search.  Afternoon: pool.  Evening: trash TV.

Come on.  What's not to love?  So I am having to eat through some savings. I have to make the best of it, right?  The situation happened for a reason, might as well just do what I can to enjoy.  I am sure I will get a great job once I move out there.  Again - there's a reason I did not find anything out here; and it certainly was not for lack of trying.  I am simply overqualified for what is available to me or what I can do outside of my field.  I do not blame them for questioning my intent.  They know I will jump ship the first chance I get.  And in my industry...they have expressed concerns that I have been out of the market for too long, plus am worth more than they want to pay.  Just how the cookie has been crumbling.  Changing location will also help me change careers.  Or maybe I will find a position in my field available out there.  Anything can happen.

But for now, I am spending time with my awesome girl friend and  I actually have tan lines.  Tan lines!  I have sullied my porcelain skin.  I have to say though: I look alot healthier.  I sometimes look too pale, especially with the low iron and crap; I look sick sometimes.  And do not think that I do not SPF 40 myself from head to two either, because I sure do.

And of course I am excited about getting married to the man.  He's awesome and we are going to have a great life together.  Rainbows and unicorns people!

Shut up.

p.s. I solemnly swear that I will not turn into bridezilla.

Romance Schmomance (or Has Anyone Seen My Fiance?)

I have lost my fiance!  Not really.  I just love that scene from Seinfeld.  Elaine Benis is a brilliant character.  I cannot even deal sometimes.  For some reason, I could not embed the video.  Booo.

So this is how we rolled.  Friday afternoon, after some errands and talking the puss in boots to the vet, we went to my parents for lunch.  Traffic was brutal and the dumb car I had rented (a chevy Malibu, by the way) had crazy blind spots.  I absolutely hated driving it.  we were seriously like 2 hours later than expected.

He immediately talks to my daddy.  Yes, he full on went old school.  If you met my dad, you'd know why.  Dad has aire about him that yells "respect"; but not because he demands it, rather because he deserves it.  Plus I am a total daddy's girl.  Come on.

We go from there to an undisclosed location in the burbs.  Turns out to be a place I had never heard of.  It's like a little village of bungalows.  Totally private even though it was actually at the end of a neighborhood.  Cute.  We check in and then go to our room.

Are you kidding me?  First thing I see: balloons, a tower of balloons.  Rose petals and candles everywhere. Whirlpool tub the size of a Queen bed...steam & shower room.  Champagne (he had even chosen the sweet stuff, knowing that's my preference). Come on!  I want to live here.

He is so awesome.  He had done so much research to find a place and made sure that everything was set up the way he wanted.  Yes, I am quite happy with my choice.

We have reservations for dinner at 8pm.  We are both exhausted and decide to just chill out for a bit.  We did not want to get all into the tub and stuff because we knew we'd be down for the count if we did.  man, those jacuzzi tubs are relaxing.  I could sleep in them.  Anyway, we are getting ready to just lounge and he's all having to show me something first.

I turn around.  He's down on one knee.  Bless his baboon heart.  He asks and I see a blur of sparkle.  I say yes, of course. Hug, kiss, blah and then I am like wait...I saw some bling.

I look at it and it's divine.  So perfect for me.  It looks vintage and modern at the same time.  Serious perfection.

And yes, I cried like a baby.  It was ridiculous.

What a difference a year makes.   We were not even aware of each others existence and now...we are getting married!  How about that.

One Ring To Rule Them All

I have been a busy bee.  I am planning a move cross country.

Yes, I am California bound.

I have had my freak-outs about it.  I am sad to leave my dear old dirty town.  I love Chicago so much.  But let's be honest; it is not giving me what I need.  Will I return?  It's very likely.

It's time for a new era.  I actually said a few years ago that if Daley was no longer mayor that I'd scram.  I guess I put it out into the universe.

But change is needed and change is good.  It's time.

Another change: in about twenty four hours my left ring finger will have a permanent adornment.

I haven't seen it yet and am so excited.  And I am so excited to start this new part of my life with him.  It is truly amazing that we found each other.

I try not to talk about it too much.  I am not the most romantic person sometimes.  I think because it makes me uncomfortable sometimes when people are too mushy and I do not want to be the cause of that.

See you after I am affianced.  Meanwhile enjoy this:

Is This Really Necessary?

The world knows that I am super judgmental.  I am, I admit to it.  I am hyper critical about myself.  This leads to a crap load of staunch opinions.

A girlfriend's brother is having a baby.  Well, his wife is.  They decided they were going to take "Pregnancy Pictures"
What the fuck is this nonsense?  It's like that weirdo pic I posted in this post.  What is this new craze?  Why when you never took photos of your belly before do you think it's time to glamour shot it up?

I don't get it.  Really, I do not.

I am not saying that pregnant women should not have pictures of themselves preggo.  I just think it's totally weird to take specific pregnancy pictures.

Do we blame Demi Moore?  I mean, come on.

Am I am asshole?  I honestly find these types of pics awkward.  I mean, I don't see random ladies taking pictures of themselves in bikinis and posting them.  I mean professional pictures.  Other than models, actors, or sex trade workers - who does that?

Yet, you have a baby in there and you suddenly want to get half naked on film. 

Though I admit that I judged their pictures less harshly because I knew them,  I still told my girlfriend (I can use that without people assuming that I'm a lezbot, right?) that I found it ridiculous.

She agreed.  She had been having such major mixed feelings about it.  She loves them (the couple) but thinks those are weird to take.  

Why not also take pictures when you are svelt?  Is your body only worthy of being immortalized when you are having a baby?  Is it suddenly then you feel worthy?  I mean, if you feel comfortable doing that when you are pregs - why not when you are not?

They only reason I do not have photos like that is because I am not keen of how my body looks in a bikini.  I accept my body.  Just saying - the general public does not need to see my fat ass in a bikini or corset or something.

I can stand by it if it's art, but these women are getting sucked into a trend that, quite frankly, looks pretty tacky.  They try to class it up, but not enough.  It's pretty much just tackorific.

AND another thing.  Why is the woman always half naks and the man fully clothed,  It's like they are not even in the same picture.

Case in point:

So she's there in all her lingeried glory while he is wearing a hat.  It's dumb.  Any child would be embarrassed of this shit when they are old enough to look at it.  Who the hell wants to see their mom dressed like this?  And the forced tenderness? Lame.  "Hold your/her belly, close your eyes, and think about unicorns.  Perfect.  That's the shot."


To all the pregnant bitches out there - huge bless.  Hope all your babies pop out healthy.

Insomnia Can Kiss My Grits

I have a long time battle with insomnia.  Seriously, it's all hundred years war in my world.  Now I know how Joan of Arc felt.

I was up all night on Wednesday.  I figured that I would get a little sleep during the day, since I was planning on hanging out at my friend's pool yesterday.  Nope.  The weather was chillsville.  We hung out, but could not go in the water.  There was some Artic bullshit coming in across the Lake that was causing a scene.

Whoa is me.  My life is so hard...I couldn't go swimming.

Anyway, we went out for some din din in the evening and decided to take a little cruise up to Evanston.   We are super hungers at this point and are not thinking clearly.  We find a spot to park and decide to take a stroll to find a place to eat, since the restaurant we thought looked cute actually wasn't.  After several blocks, we see a cupcake place.  Twenty feet away is a little Mediterranean joint.  She's all "Let's just got here - plus, it's close to the cupcake shop".  Good ol' T.  I can always count on her to want to be naughty with the food.

Umm..by "naughty" I mean wanting to eat something decadent - not being pervy.

Anyway,  in comes a huge ass storm.  Fireworks, I tell you, that culminates in torrential rain when we are wanting to leave the restaurant.

We take a deep breath, I take my sandals off (ever try running or walking in the rain with heeled sandals?  Not a pretty site.), and dive in.  Yipes!  It's like taking a cold power shower.  After a minute or two, I am like "I cannot possible become more drenched."

We make it to the car and seriously need to put through one of these:

I remember my mom having one of these.  Well not like this one; but a washing machine with a wringer.  It was in the first house I lived in, though we also had a normal one.  I know she had previously used it though. What a freaking pain in the butt.  We are so lucky now.  Can you imagine how cumbersome laundry was to do?  We can at least dump it in the machine and walk away from it now.

We did not have one of these, so simply had to sit our soaked asses in the car and drive home.  Don't think for a minute that we did not stop at Baskin Robins drive through (thru?) and get some ice cream though.  Ladies still want their dessert, even when they look like drowning kittens.

I absolutely crash out after the adventure.  I zonk out on the couch only to wait up, pert as a morning lark, at 3 am.  Come on, dude.  Give me a break.

Ah. Nell...the world seriously could use some Nell right now.  I know I could.  Is Gimme a Break on Hulu?  I need to check that out.

My Opinion Is Not Humble

Honestly, the expression "in my humble opinion"  is a load of crap.  First of all, it's condescending.  A) I know it's you opinion. B) When you premise a comment with that, you are basically saying "I know better than you, but want to manipulate the sitch to seem like I am not saying it outright".  No one has said it to me lately.  It just peeves me.  Though, I do laugh on the inside when people get condescending.  I get it dude - you are not so smart that I do not get it.

Actually, it entertains me a snare.  I have to be honest.

I have been on an entitlement rampage the last few days.  Not me being entitled...people are working my nerves.

My recent travel back to Chicago was a hot mess.  I take a shuttle from my boyfriend's to the airport.  Sometimes they pick up more peeps.  This trip was one of them.  This trip I was hoping that they would not get lost.  For some reason, they got totally lost last time.  I think they had the wrong address.  It was stressful though.

I digress.

So we pick up a lady in a scooter. First, we pull up front to a courtyard type building and a young man runs up from the very back apartment and asks for the van to be pulled up through the alley.  Fair enough.  The driver had called 5 minuted prior to pick up.  We should go back there and load up and go, right?  Wrong.

They had like 8 suitcases still in the house that the driver had to go in and get.  The two kids with the woman each brought out one or two bags.  Seriously, the process took at least 15 minutes.  I was fuming.

If you know you are about to picked up...for the airport...with other people also needing to get to the airport...wouldn't the thing to do be...I don't know...BE READY?  Why were not the bags out on the yard.  The secured, gated yard?  When you know that they are coming in minutes?  Annoyed.

This coming from the girl that is late to everything.  Whatever.  Not when it comes to someone else having to get to the airport.

The kicker.  She is also going to Chicago, but her flight is 2 hours after mine.  She wanted to be ready since she is so slow.  Thanks for respecting my time, sister.

I actually have a few more instances of interesting random stupid people crap from the journey, but my brain hurts right now.  I will have to continue tomorrow.

I hope you are all glorious and free.  I have not written in a long time and it's kinda bullshit.  I call shenanigans on me right now.

Smooches!

This just made me smile hard.  Check out this sweet ride.  Is that Abe Vigoda?!